I had a dream this morning that totally hits home with me emotionally. I'll explain my interpretation later, I have to get some other stuff done but this is cut and pasted from an email explaining the dream to my sister:

So there's this contest type thing happening in the church parking lot at JR's old house, I'm guessing something the Church put on. There were people there but the only ones that I knew or that even mattered in the dream were Noah, Kayla, Cody, and I. There were actually two contests, one had something to do with vehicles but I have no idea what the point of that was, if it was some kind of race around the parking lot or what. Anyways, I had a white older mustang, like the first one I had that you guys went with me to get, except it was pure white.

Well Kayla won the contest, whatever it was, and she did it on a mo-ped of all things.

Then there was this other contest and it involved a dancing contest. Noah and I had to dance like a certain dance, momba or waltz or something. Anyways, right before we did this I realized we hadn't practiced and I had no idea what I was doing. I hurried up and at the last minute put on bright red lipstick hoping that if I looked beautiful it would make things better, but when I looked in the mirror I felt like I looked like a tramp but I had no time to fix it, so we went to dancing. Noah knew what he was doing and I couldn't do it, I was looking like a complete jackass cause he's trying to twirl me and I'm just sorta moving around not knowing what I'm doing. It kinda faded into me not dancing with him anymore and Kayla dancing with him and they won.

There's a hole in the dream but somehow we got to the point where it was like Kayla broke her mo-ped or something, basically they didn't have a car to get home in. I think I sorta made a suggestion that she could borrow the mustang but noah comes right out and completely gives it to her, like she could just own it right out from under me.

At this point I become extremely suicidal. I start running and looking for buildings around the church to jump off of but non of them were tall enough to kill me, and they started chasing me so I ran down the street, like down south union towards mckinley. but you know how things in dreams start to seem surreal and I can remember trying to get away from them by jumping from rooftops on houses to garages and over fences, stuff like that cause I knew they'd catch me on the sidewalk. I found a church with a bunch of water and marble around it. Kinda buddist like, and there was this music and I felt like I could hide in one of the pools of water and listen to the music and be cleansed and saved or either drown myself in the water.

As I noticed that they got closer to me and found me at this church place in the water, I went under the water and held my breath, and I can remember being sorta half awake and actually holding my breath for real, because I could physically feel myself gasping for air even though I was asleep. I gave up on this and ended up on what seemed like 9th street. I kept trying to find cars to walk in front of and get hit and killed by but everyone swerved or were going to slow. I remember a real sensation of not really wanting to die, so it was kind of a half hearted effort to get hit by a car.

At this point they catch up with me or almost and I hear Kayla saying to stop chasing me, I'm just full of shit I'm not going to really kill myself. Acting like I'm just some sort of baby and I'm pathetic and everyone gave up. So I had a knife and I grabbed the knife and in the middle of the street I just started gouging cuts into my wrists, deep down to the bone, you could see the flesh and veins but not a whole lot of blood. I keeps slicing deep all sorts of different directions so I would bleed to death. I don't remember seeing much blood, but I do remember feeling like I was losing consciousness.

I remember paramedics showing up and thats about it, I woke up.

I had set a alarm on my phone for 9:45am (because weatherbug woke me up at 4am and the kitty kept bugging me and I didn't fall back asleep until 7:30, went to bed at about midnight so I knew I needed the extra sleep for the long drive I had to make today). Well, my phone said 9:42, so I closed my eyes thinking I'd just lay there for 3 mins until it went off. Well dumb me set the damn alarm for 9:45 PM instead of AM so it didn't go off and I slept for 10 more minutes. Here's the alternate ending.

I was running from them and I got away and ended up on the north side of des moines around where I used to live off of 6th and Franklin around the time I knew Bobby. He wasn't in the dream, just putting that there in case you don't remember the area. Somehow I acquired a needle or it's like I had one that I had saved or something, and decided that I was going to prostitute myself enough so I could get enough dope to put in this needle and kill myself. So I remember walking up to a bunch of guys like sitting in a yard and I'm telling them I'll suck their dicks for a 1/4 of crank. Well the guy couldn't get the crank, but he could give me money but he didn't want just a normal blow job so I got all slutty and said he could cum all over my face and that I'd suck the cum off him and blah blah...anyways without getting too graphic I was actually really good at it, and I got what I wanted.

A lot of nasty sexual shit happened in that 10 mins that seemed like a lot longer and I ended up at a gas station and I had a girl getting me my crank, a whole bunch of it. I remember getting the crank in my hand, and then my phone buzzed cause noah sent me a text message and it woke me up at 9:52.