No Kia for Me-a
The Non-Sales Event
Yep, you guessed it. We went out and tried to look for a new car tonight. There is no way we can afford it. I guess we just wanted another shopping adventure, except this one was no fun cause they wanted us to spend TONS of money. The only car we could even think of tryin to afford would be the Kia Rio. We test drove one and it drove like ASS! As we were going up a hill, I swore the car was gonna drop the motor. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"
It was pathetic, so we decided not to even talk to the guy about pricing and monthly payments and stuff. I want a car with more 'Umph!' At least a 6 cylinder. Oh well, maybe someday.
Monday, September 30, 2002
Sunday, September 29, 2002
The Great Money Search
We woke up yesterday and decided to go search for money. We knew we had misc. ways to acquire money, we just had to do it. Some cans and bottles here, some things to sell there; other broke people reading this probably understand what I mean. Here's what we did:
1. Took back our cans and bottles: $15.10 (woo-hoo!!)
2. Sold some books and CD's: $22.00
3. We had $37.10, but we bought lunch for $10, so that left us with $27.00 approx.
4. Took back Noah's parents' cans and bottles: $16.00 (super woo-hoo!!)
5. Tried to sell a stroller, but they wouldn't take it cause they said the rocker/strollers don't sell very well.
6. We had $43.00
7. Try to take back a jean jacket I got as a birthday present but didn't like, but they only gave us a store credit of $17.00
8. Bought Mikayla a book, some shoes, and a fire truck with the store credit. Paid $3.00 extra out of pocket.
9. We had $40.00, a book, some shoes, and a fire truck.
10. Went to Walmart. Took back 3 packs of Large Long John outfits (didn't fit mikayla), got $20.00
11. Had $60.00 to spend at Walmart.
12. We got 2 bibs, 3 sleepers, baby orajel, a percussion set for babies, a 'The Many Faces of Me' baby mirror, a cow costume (for halloween), some non-toxic face makeup (to paint cow spots on miki), 2 photo albums, a pack of 18 washclothes, cat litter, and a purple hand towel. Total came to $91.00
13. Yes, we went over, but when you think about it we paid 30 bucks for all that stuff.
14. So in the end, we came out with:
a) Baby Shoes
b) A Baby Book
c) A Fire Truck
d) 2 Bibs
e) 3 Sleepers
f) Baby Orajel
g) A Percussion Set for Babies
h) A Baby Mirror
i) A Cow Costume
j) Non-Toxic Face Make-up
k) 2 Photo Albums
l) Pack of 18 washclothes
m) Cat Litter
n) A Purple Hand Towel
o) Lunch
!5. We only paid $30.00 of the money that we had before.
Are you addicted to shopping when you sell things to shop for more? hmmmmm........
We woke up yesterday and decided to go search for money. We knew we had misc. ways to acquire money, we just had to do it. Some cans and bottles here, some things to sell there; other broke people reading this probably understand what I mean. Here's what we did:
1. Took back our cans and bottles: $15.10 (woo-hoo!!)
2. Sold some books and CD's: $22.00
3. We had $37.10, but we bought lunch for $10, so that left us with $27.00 approx.
4. Took back Noah's parents' cans and bottles: $16.00 (super woo-hoo!!)
5. Tried to sell a stroller, but they wouldn't take it cause they said the rocker/strollers don't sell very well.
6. We had $43.00
7. Try to take back a jean jacket I got as a birthday present but didn't like, but they only gave us a store credit of $17.00
8. Bought Mikayla a book, some shoes, and a fire truck with the store credit. Paid $3.00 extra out of pocket.
9. We had $40.00, a book, some shoes, and a fire truck.
10. Went to Walmart. Took back 3 packs of Large Long John outfits (didn't fit mikayla), got $20.00
11. Had $60.00 to spend at Walmart.
12. We got 2 bibs, 3 sleepers, baby orajel, a percussion set for babies, a 'The Many Faces of Me' baby mirror, a cow costume (for halloween), some non-toxic face makeup (to paint cow spots on miki), 2 photo albums, a pack of 18 washclothes, cat litter, and a purple hand towel. Total came to $91.00
13. Yes, we went over, but when you think about it we paid 30 bucks for all that stuff.
14. So in the end, we came out with:
a) Baby Shoes
b) A Baby Book
c) A Fire Truck
d) 2 Bibs
e) 3 Sleepers
f) Baby Orajel
g) A Percussion Set for Babies
h) A Baby Mirror
i) A Cow Costume
j) Non-Toxic Face Make-up
k) 2 Photo Albums
l) Pack of 18 washclothes
m) Cat Litter
n) A Purple Hand Towel
o) Lunch
!5. We only paid $30.00 of the money that we had before.
Are you addicted to shopping when you sell things to shop for more? hmmmmm........
Thursday, September 26, 2002
Noah is now requiring this if you would like to date our daughter, Mikayla. Please fill it out and we will keep this application on file for the next 15 years. We will contact you if you are chosen to be interviewed. Thank you.
"Does the word stering wheel mean anything to you?" -- Today on Dr. Phil:
That is what Dr. Phil told the mother of a daughter who she claims is fat because of McDonald. The mother has a lawyer and is suing McDonalds for this reason.
Did You Know?
A Big Mac meal with a super-sized fry has 1600 calories!
Dr. Phil seems to be baffled by the fact that this woman didn't just stop going to McDonalds, and instead decided to sue them for not telling people their products are fat. Her lawyer tried to compare Ronald McDonald to Joe Camel, saying that McDonalds is exploiting children. LOLOLOLOLOL
I agree that Ronald McDonald does seem a little scary, but I don't think we should ban McDonalds from having him as a marketting tool. Would we then get rid of the Ronald McDonald House?
I'm sorry, we all know that it's fat. Maybe they should label how fat things are, kinda like Subway does on it's napkins, but to say that Ronald McDonald is like Joe Camel, thats rediculous.
If you eat fast food, check this out. It's McDonalds website, just scroll to the bottom and click on the breakdown.pdf file. It's very sobering. I think I'm gonna eat salads from now on. But I don't think that McDonalds should be sued for this. If we start suing companies for making fattening food, whats next. Dr. Phil asked the mother of the child who was obese because of McDonalds food, that if she can sue McDonalds for selling her food that made her daughter obese, then couldn't her daughter sue her for putting the fattening food in front of her daughters face. What an interesting thought!
That is what Dr. Phil told the mother of a daughter who she claims is fat because of McDonald. The mother has a lawyer and is suing McDonalds for this reason.
Did You Know?
A Big Mac meal with a super-sized fry has 1600 calories!
Dr. Phil seems to be baffled by the fact that this woman didn't just stop going to McDonalds, and instead decided to sue them for not telling people their products are fat. Her lawyer tried to compare Ronald McDonald to Joe Camel, saying that McDonalds is exploiting children. LOLOLOLOLOL
I agree that Ronald McDonald does seem a little scary, but I don't think we should ban McDonalds from having him as a marketting tool. Would we then get rid of the Ronald McDonald House?
I'm sorry, we all know that it's fat. Maybe they should label how fat things are, kinda like Subway does on it's napkins, but to say that Ronald McDonald is like Joe Camel, thats rediculous.
If you eat fast food, check this out. It's McDonalds website, just scroll to the bottom and click on the breakdown.pdf file. It's very sobering. I think I'm gonna eat salads from now on. But I don't think that McDonalds should be sued for this. If we start suing companies for making fattening food, whats next. Dr. Phil asked the mother of the child who was obese because of McDonalds food, that if she can sue McDonalds for selling her food that made her daughter obese, then couldn't her daughter sue her for putting the fattening food in front of her daughters face. What an interesting thought!
Lunchie Munchies
My hubby is bringing me some lunch today! I hope he brings something good! I'm getting so sick of the same old bowls of cereal and turkey sandwiches or left overs from dinner. It'll probably be something fat and extremely unhealthy, but I love it! mmmmm
I'm gonna watch that thing on Dr. Phil today about the woman who is suing McDonalds. I can't wait to see what happens there. And I guess he's gonna have a guy on there that is really big and was told to buy two seats on an airline. Dr. Phil sits him next to a man who complains about fat people on airlines in acutal seats that go on airplains. It's gonna be funny to see how this one turns out. Might have a Jerry Springer moment on the Dr. Phil Show!
I've been in my nighty for 2 days now. Funny thing, no one seems no notice. I guess it must have something to do with the fact that i never go anywhere! and no one ever comes over!
I guess thats what I get for moving 20 miles out of town. I live in a town, a really small town. We have a Casey's and a Dairy Queen. Oh, and a Dollar Store, can't forget about that place! It's the poor woman who loves to shops' dream.
I guess this town isn't as small as it could be, but it feels really small to me. And next to that I have no friends here what-so-ever. I know it's up to me make friends, but I gotta get over this social anxiety thing first. It really sux. I don't like to go to the store by myself, and sometimes when I do I'm paranoid the whole time. And then for the next day or so I'm thinking about certain things that happened while I was at the store and smacking myself (in my head, figurativly) for certain things that I did or said that were stupid. I don't know what's up with it, and I don't know why some days it's worse than others. I don't keep friends really good, although I used to. I did alot of drugs about 2 years ago, I think they messed me up somehow. Dunno.
Anyways, I'm gonna sit here in my nighty and wait for my hubby to bring me lunch! Happy Eatting!
My hubby is bringing me some lunch today! I hope he brings something good! I'm getting so sick of the same old bowls of cereal and turkey sandwiches or left overs from dinner. It'll probably be something fat and extremely unhealthy, but I love it! mmmmm
I'm gonna watch that thing on Dr. Phil today about the woman who is suing McDonalds. I can't wait to see what happens there. And I guess he's gonna have a guy on there that is really big and was told to buy two seats on an airline. Dr. Phil sits him next to a man who complains about fat people on airlines in acutal seats that go on airplains. It's gonna be funny to see how this one turns out. Might have a Jerry Springer moment on the Dr. Phil Show!
I've been in my nighty for 2 days now. Funny thing, no one seems no notice. I guess it must have something to do with the fact that i never go anywhere! and no one ever comes over!
I guess thats what I get for moving 20 miles out of town. I live in a town, a really small town. We have a Casey's and a Dairy Queen. Oh, and a Dollar Store, can't forget about that place! It's the poor woman who loves to shops' dream.
I guess this town isn't as small as it could be, but it feels really small to me. And next to that I have no friends here what-so-ever. I know it's up to me make friends, but I gotta get over this social anxiety thing first. It really sux. I don't like to go to the store by myself, and sometimes when I do I'm paranoid the whole time. And then for the next day or so I'm thinking about certain things that happened while I was at the store and smacking myself (in my head, figurativly) for certain things that I did or said that were stupid. I don't know what's up with it, and I don't know why some days it's worse than others. I don't keep friends really good, although I used to. I did alot of drugs about 2 years ago, I think they messed me up somehow. Dunno.
Anyways, I'm gonna sit here in my nighty and wait for my hubby to bring me lunch! Happy Eatting!
Wednesday, September 25, 2002
Patty Cake Runs Wild
I tried all last week to get Mikayla to clap her hands. No go. Well, we let her spends last Saturday night with Grandma and Grandpa D (Noah's parents), and she came back in full fledge patty cake mode. Of course she's got to impress grandma, I guess I can understand the politics of that. Make sure to stay cute so the candy stash and cool toys keep piling up. Grandma is full of money and goodies, and not affraid to use em at the first sign of oooo goo goo cuteness.
When we picked her up on Sunday, I'm blowing happy out my ears cause she's just hanging out clapping her hands. I tried ALL WEEK LONG to get her to do that, and then one night at grandma's......walla! She does it as if she's been doing it all week long. She was just saving it for the grandparents, that little sneak!
Not only does she come home clapping, she comes home crawling. She was beggining to do it, but not nearly this good. I thought, 'great, grandma taught her how to torture mom, and then sent her home'. Not only does she crawl (we were not ready for that in anyway), she's trying to climb up on everything. AAAAhhhhhh! I can't keep up with her.
So I decided to work against the forces of the little legs! BOXES!
We have tons of boxes in a spare bedroom full of crap we were gonna sell in a garage sale. I decided to put them to full use.
The Mikayla Blockade Baby Brigade -- M3B
So I start taking the boxes and lining them up into one big circle in our livingroom. A gigantic playpen, of sorts, for the newly crawl-amatic. I also have some laundry baskets full of clean clothes (what a good way to get out of folding laundry) that I'm using to fill in the spaces where the boxes won't fit. Mikayla is enjoying sticking her index fingers in the holes, and trying to grab out the clothes to play with. She also has full access to the toy boxes, which she highly enjoys. She climbs up and digs through 'em, grabbin out stuff she hasn't seen in a while.
She's currently trying to figure out how to climb over the boxes. She is desperate to get to the hallway she just recently discovered but was cut off from. Stay tuned for the next chapter:
The Great Gate Wars
...coming soon...
I tried all last week to get Mikayla to clap her hands. No go. Well, we let her spends last Saturday night with Grandma and Grandpa D (Noah's parents), and she came back in full fledge patty cake mode. Of course she's got to impress grandma, I guess I can understand the politics of that. Make sure to stay cute so the candy stash and cool toys keep piling up. Grandma is full of money and goodies, and not affraid to use em at the first sign of oooo goo goo cuteness.
When we picked her up on Sunday, I'm blowing happy out my ears cause she's just hanging out clapping her hands. I tried ALL WEEK LONG to get her to do that, and then one night at grandma's......walla! She does it as if she's been doing it all week long. She was just saving it for the grandparents, that little sneak!
Not only does she come home clapping, she comes home crawling. She was beggining to do it, but not nearly this good. I thought, 'great, grandma taught her how to torture mom, and then sent her home'. Not only does she crawl (we were not ready for that in anyway), she's trying to climb up on everything. AAAAhhhhhh! I can't keep up with her.
So I decided to work against the forces of the little legs! BOXES!
We have tons of boxes in a spare bedroom full of crap we were gonna sell in a garage sale. I decided to put them to full use.
The Mikayla Blockade Baby Brigade -- M3B
So I start taking the boxes and lining them up into one big circle in our livingroom. A gigantic playpen, of sorts, for the newly crawl-amatic. I also have some laundry baskets full of clean clothes (what a good way to get out of folding laundry) that I'm using to fill in the spaces where the boxes won't fit. Mikayla is enjoying sticking her index fingers in the holes, and trying to grab out the clothes to play with. She also has full access to the toy boxes, which she highly enjoys. She climbs up and digs through 'em, grabbin out stuff she hasn't seen in a while.
She's currently trying to figure out how to climb over the boxes. She is desperate to get to the hallway she just recently discovered but was cut off from. Stay tuned for the next chapter:
The Great Gate Wars
...coming soon...
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
Interesting facts:
Butterflies taste with their feet.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take
into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left-handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?
Butterflies taste with their feet.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take
into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left-handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?
Thirty Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say
1. I just love how Barry Manilow sings, don't you?
2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. You know, her breasts are just too big for my liking.
4. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. Boy, that Barbara Walters on "20/20" is one sexy babe.
6. Sure, honey! I'd be happy to discuss the state of our relationship.
7. We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
8. Forget Monday Night Football. Let's watch something meaningful on the "Lifetime Channel."
9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
10. Honey, I'm going to the store. Do you need more tampons?
11. Actually, I prefer it when *you* hold the remote.
12. I'm sick of beer. Give me a fruit juice.
13. Great! Your mother's coming to stay with us again.
14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.
15. No way. You weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
16. Better get rid of these old Playboy magazines. I don't look at them any more.
17. I understand.
18. This movie has way too much gratuitous nudity.
19. Damn, we're late for church!
20. No! I don't want to see your sister's breasts.
21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
22. Put some panties on, for Pete's sake.
23. Eat something! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret Model!
24. Don't pick that up, I got it.
25. Happy Anniversary!
26. Hey, isn't today your Mother's birthday?
27. Let's talk. I miss talking.
28. Gay men have rights too!
29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!
30. Are you losing weight, sweetie?
1. I just love how Barry Manilow sings, don't you?
2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. You know, her breasts are just too big for my liking.
4. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. Boy, that Barbara Walters on "20/20" is one sexy babe.
6. Sure, honey! I'd be happy to discuss the state of our relationship.
7. We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
8. Forget Monday Night Football. Let's watch something meaningful on the "Lifetime Channel."
9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
10. Honey, I'm going to the store. Do you need more tampons?
11. Actually, I prefer it when *you* hold the remote.
12. I'm sick of beer. Give me a fruit juice.
13. Great! Your mother's coming to stay with us again.
14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.
15. No way. You weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
16. Better get rid of these old Playboy magazines. I don't look at them any more.
17. I understand.
18. This movie has way too much gratuitous nudity.
19. Damn, we're late for church!
20. No! I don't want to see your sister's breasts.
21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
22. Put some panties on, for Pete's sake.
23. Eat something! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret Model!
24. Don't pick that up, I got it.
25. Happy Anniversary!
26. Hey, isn't today your Mother's birthday?
27. Let's talk. I miss talking.
28. Gay men have rights too!
29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!
30. Are you losing weight, sweetie?
I found my archive again!!! Woo-hoo!!
I don't think of myself as much of a computer guru, and this damn blogging program has confirmed that. I lost my archive (not like I had much of one, anyway), and didn't think to fish around for it where I can edit my blog. I guess there was a reason for that damn calender next to all my posts. DUH! Well, I'm happy I found it. Ta Ta For Now!
I don't think of myself as much of a computer guru, and this damn blogging program has confirmed that. I lost my archive (not like I had much of one, anyway), and didn't think to fish around for it where I can edit my blog. I guess there was a reason for that damn calender next to all my posts. DUH! Well, I'm happy I found it. Ta Ta For Now!
Penile Dys-Quick -- The Sexually Frustrated
As I'm laying there, listening to him snore, I couldn't help but think...."damn, that was quick and painless". Well for the most part. It was quick. But I couldn't help thinking that I was a little left out in all of it. I mean, the whole minute of activity was just getting me started. And all the sudden I hear, "oh yeah!" come from his mouth and his body stopped moving. YaY. He falls over to the other side of the bed and I get up to clean myself off. By the time I get back, he's already curled up in the blanket and half asleep. Someone help me out with this. Why does my husband think that I enjoy two whole minutes of erotic pleasure. I mean, I could have masterbated, it would have taken less time to get ready for, and I have felt alot better afterwards.
Getting ready for sex means that I get undressed, get all kissy kissy, a little rub here and little twiddle of the finger there. Just a little of this and that to get each of us excited and ready. And as these things happen, we began to move our bodies closer together and into 'position'. Well, I would be able to settle with 10 minutes, as long as he lets me orgasm also. But not no one to three minute bullshit. What is this, we get married and he doesn't have to take his time anymore. I mean, seriously. Is it that hard to hold out for 10 minutes??
After he rolled over, I didn't talk to him. I was mad. He was perfectly happy to just go to sleep, and I was left there to just listen to him snore, again. I even got a headache after sitting there for a while. I wish it would have came on before our activities, then I wouldn't have had to deal with any of it.
I don't usually complain about sex, I don't have to. But when you're getting into and it just starts to feel good, then he goes *grrrrrrrunt*, and is done. I must say one word. Pathetic. Sorry to all the guys out there who think I'm a ruthless bitch. Hate to be the one to tell ya, but women love to cum too!
As I'm laying there, listening to him snore, I couldn't help but think...."damn, that was quick and painless". Well for the most part. It was quick. But I couldn't help thinking that I was a little left out in all of it. I mean, the whole minute of activity was just getting me started. And all the sudden I hear, "oh yeah!" come from his mouth and his body stopped moving. YaY. He falls over to the other side of the bed and I get up to clean myself off. By the time I get back, he's already curled up in the blanket and half asleep. Someone help me out with this. Why does my husband think that I enjoy two whole minutes of erotic pleasure. I mean, I could have masterbated, it would have taken less time to get ready for, and I have felt alot better afterwards.
Getting ready for sex means that I get undressed, get all kissy kissy, a little rub here and little twiddle of the finger there. Just a little of this and that to get each of us excited and ready. And as these things happen, we began to move our bodies closer together and into 'position'. Well, I would be able to settle with 10 minutes, as long as he lets me orgasm also. But not no one to three minute bullshit. What is this, we get married and he doesn't have to take his time anymore. I mean, seriously. Is it that hard to hold out for 10 minutes??
After he rolled over, I didn't talk to him. I was mad. He was perfectly happy to just go to sleep, and I was left there to just listen to him snore, again. I even got a headache after sitting there for a while. I wish it would have came on before our activities, then I wouldn't have had to deal with any of it.
I don't usually complain about sex, I don't have to. But when you're getting into and it just starts to feel good, then he goes *grrrrrrrunt*, and is done. I must say one word. Pathetic. Sorry to all the guys out there who think I'm a ruthless bitch. Hate to be the one to tell ya, but women love to cum too!
Monday, September 23, 2002
My sister's autism page
My sister made a page to inform some of our family about autism. She's getting sick of people thinking she's crazy because she is worried about her children having this disorder.
My sister made a page to inform some of our family about autism. She's getting sick of people thinking she's crazy because she is worried about her children having this disorder.
Sunday, September 22, 2002
This is the letter Iraq sent to the United Nations saying they would allow weapon inspectors in with no conditions.
Now they seem to have conditions.
hmmm...
Now, I don't understand much about this cause I can't find anywhere a list of the new proposed resolutions, except for the one that says that the U.N. can strike Iraq if they don't destroy their weapons. I'm not generally too political, but I'd really like to know why we are going to war if we end up going. I don't know who or what to believe in all this. I don't believe the United States would put up with new resolutions all of the sudden if they were irrational, but how do we know if they are irrational. The list of proposed resolutions arn't anywhere to be found. But this could also be Iraq playing the same game as it has before. I don't know. I wish I knew. I think it's bullshit that it seems the media just fills us full of shit [somebody] wants us to hear, but the other stuff just gets lost in red tape and we never know. If anyone has any info, let me know. I'm interested.
Now they seem to have conditions.
hmmm...
Now, I don't understand much about this cause I can't find anywhere a list of the new proposed resolutions, except for the one that says that the U.N. can strike Iraq if they don't destroy their weapons. I'm not generally too political, but I'd really like to know why we are going to war if we end up going. I don't know who or what to believe in all this. I don't believe the United States would put up with new resolutions all of the sudden if they were irrational, but how do we know if they are irrational. The list of proposed resolutions arn't anywhere to be found. But this could also be Iraq playing the same game as it has before. I don't know. I wish I knew. I think it's bullshit that it seems the media just fills us full of shit [somebody] wants us to hear, but the other stuff just gets lost in red tape and we never know. If anyone has any info, let me know. I'm interested.
Thursday, September 19, 2002
I don't understand why people have to work. Why can't we just make machines do everything for us, and then everything will be free and can have an alotted amount of money to enjoy life with and do whatever they wanted. I want to tour the world, learning and teaching my daughter the language of every place we go. Hell, she's a smart girl. She'll prolly learn the languages better than I would.
We could also have our cars run by electricity so we don't have to worry about global warming takin the ozone away and that kind of stuff. And we would also lessen our dependence on oil by doing that and changin alot of stuff to solar power. That way we don't even have to dick with Iraq and Saudi Arabia anymore. I mean, I don't totally understand the situation, but from what I heard there are these 'royals' that just sit around and pay the people who make them sound good, and in return, they cover the people's ass they pay so they don't get in trouble for spreading terrorism. Maybe I'm wrong, and I got it all wrong. But if thats the case, why are we just sittin around with our thumb up our ass and debating whether or not war is a good idea. Of course war isn't a good idea. So lets just get rid of the dependence on these people all together. Hell, they'll prolly still try to bomb us anyways.
Well, I'm still gonna sit here and pray that someday I'll get my wish to travel the world with my daughter. Hopefully the worlds safe by then. La Da DAAA da Da DAAA da da DAAAA!
We could also have our cars run by electricity so we don't have to worry about global warming takin the ozone away and that kind of stuff. And we would also lessen our dependence on oil by doing that and changin alot of stuff to solar power. That way we don't even have to dick with Iraq and Saudi Arabia anymore. I mean, I don't totally understand the situation, but from what I heard there are these 'royals' that just sit around and pay the people who make them sound good, and in return, they cover the people's ass they pay so they don't get in trouble for spreading terrorism. Maybe I'm wrong, and I got it all wrong. But if thats the case, why are we just sittin around with our thumb up our ass and debating whether or not war is a good idea. Of course war isn't a good idea. So lets just get rid of the dependence on these people all together. Hell, they'll prolly still try to bomb us anyways.
Well, I'm still gonna sit here and pray that someday I'll get my wish to travel the world with my daughter. Hopefully the worlds safe by then. La Da DAAA da Da DAAA da da DAAAA!
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Autism - Today's Original Post
I never knew much about autism until just recently. I can't really say I know much more about it now, though, except for the symptoms. My sister has two boys that she suspects have this disorder. One is 4, and the other is 2. If they do have it, we believe that it would be a 'high functioning' form of autism, but either way, it would be a hard thing to have to deal with. I have heard that some people see autism as a gift, because some of them seem to be extremely smart in the areas of mathematics and such. As if somehow they have reached a higher plain of intelligence that does not have need for the social interaction that most of us do. And then maybe somehow, they are a part of evolution in their own way.
I cannot say where I stand on this issue. It would be hard for me to even imagine having a child with a disorder or a state of mind that I couldn't interact with or understand. Although my sister doesn't suspect either of her children have a severe form of this disorder, just the idea of thinking that her children have a problem affects her all the same.
Her four year old does not speak in normal sentences, although he does speak. I have read that 40% of children with autism disorders do not speak at all. So this is a good thing. His main problem seems to ly in his inablility to process emotions and behaviors as normally as he probably should. His emotions seem to be extreme at times, and usually over very minor things. People who do not spend enough time with him might think he just has a very bad temper, but we who spend the most time with him know this is not normal. My sister has been pushed aside from doctors until just recently. He went in for a normal doctor's visit, and would not do anything without a fight. He would not even stand on a scale to be weighed. It could almost seem to someone who didn't know any better, that this child had been severely abused in his young life. The doctor could tell that something was amiss, and recommended him for behavioral therepy. When the team of therepists began coming to their house once a week, they started with just small games and tests that would help him to work with what they called a 'neurological disorder'. After spending a few weeks with him, they realized something else must be wrong. He doesn't want anything in his routine changed. The task of trying to change from one game to the next was just that, a task. He would throw huge fits, running into the next room, hiding or throwing himself onto the floor. I am sure some would say this is just part of being a child, but there was more that isn't easily explained. He does not understand what 'why' means at all, and barely understands what you mean when you say "who is [someone]". When he doesn't understand what you say, or doesn't know how to respond to a question, he puts his hands over his face or stares blankly right past your shoulder.
The team of people working with him decided that he should be tested for autism. They explained to my sister that even if he had this disorder, that it was a mild, or 'high functioning' case. She is searching for answers in books, online, where ever she can find them, but the biggest question will not be answered until the second of October, when his autism test is scheduled. She is worried about how he will react to some of the things they might do or say. He is upset very easily by certain things, and it must tear her heart out sometimes the way he screams. Don't get me wrong, his life doesn't completely consist of fits and unexplainable stares. He is full of energy and loves playing outside. He is a loving boy, and I pray that he gets the help he needs as soon as he can. We will know soon what the test will reveal, but not soon enough for my sister.
As she is reading an learning more about this disorder, she is coming across pages and documents of other families dealing with the same thing. In doing this, she is reading about many families with more than one child with the disorder. I guess she read somewhere that your chances of having a second child with autism are increased by 50%. Well, in reading this, she could not help but begin to wonder about her second boy. He is 2 years old, and is as close to his mommy as I have ever seen any child. He is so loving to her, coming up and hugging her leg every chance he gets. Everytime she sits on the floor, there he is, next to her, or on her lap. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have called or came over to her house and he had fallen asleep on her.
I only wish my daughter would do that, she's too damn independent!
But with all this love comes some negative points, which are part of her worry. He clings on her so much that there is almost no way she could have a babysitter, even if it's grandma or aunt 'me'. Ever since he was an infant, he didn't want anyone else but mom or dad, and now it's more on the mom side of things. I know children cling, but there's more. She is unable to tell him no, or get him to do anything that he does not want to do without this boy falling down, trying to scream but not having it come out until his lips turn blue, and then when it does come out, it's horrific. He likes to eat crayons, so she has to hide them, and he plays only with stick like objects, such as drumsticks and lincoln logs. He doesn't play with these objects normally either. He is content to go around all day and poke at things with his 'sticks'. I would have to say that the most obvious sign that there is a problem, is that he does not speak. He sometimes says mom, and he used to say dad, but my sister doesn't believe that he uses the words the way he should. I will say, though, every now and then we'll say something, and you just catch him repeating the word, but just for that instant. He doesn't do it very often, and seems to have no idea that he even does it. It's really strange. But these are all signs that have my sister worried, and they are all signs that she has read about under autism.
She has tried to bring this up to the team of people that come out weekly to work with her first son, but they seem to want her to wait. They agree with her that some of these signs are slightly a cause for worry, but I don't think they want to let on. They want to give her the ability to absorb the problems of the first child. I think they don't want to overwhelm her too soon. But my sister doesn't want to wait for him to get treatment. In everything that she has read, it explains that the sooner the treatment is started, the better for the child. She is extremely impatient, as I would be if faced with this situation. I try to console her as much as I can, but I dont' want to seem as if I am pittying her. I know she wouldn't want that.
I know my sister is a strong woman, but dealing with two boys that may be autistic, and a husband that now believes he is autistic too (high functioning, of course), I can only imagine how hard that must be. I pray for her, and I ask that if you are reading right now you would do the same. I will post the results of the tests that are going to be performed as soon as I know them.
I never knew much about autism until just recently. I can't really say I know much more about it now, though, except for the symptoms. My sister has two boys that she suspects have this disorder. One is 4, and the other is 2. If they do have it, we believe that it would be a 'high functioning' form of autism, but either way, it would be a hard thing to have to deal with. I have heard that some people see autism as a gift, because some of them seem to be extremely smart in the areas of mathematics and such. As if somehow they have reached a higher plain of intelligence that does not have need for the social interaction that most of us do. And then maybe somehow, they are a part of evolution in their own way.
I cannot say where I stand on this issue. It would be hard for me to even imagine having a child with a disorder or a state of mind that I couldn't interact with or understand. Although my sister doesn't suspect either of her children have a severe form of this disorder, just the idea of thinking that her children have a problem affects her all the same.
Her four year old does not speak in normal sentences, although he does speak. I have read that 40% of children with autism disorders do not speak at all. So this is a good thing. His main problem seems to ly in his inablility to process emotions and behaviors as normally as he probably should. His emotions seem to be extreme at times, and usually over very minor things. People who do not spend enough time with him might think he just has a very bad temper, but we who spend the most time with him know this is not normal. My sister has been pushed aside from doctors until just recently. He went in for a normal doctor's visit, and would not do anything without a fight. He would not even stand on a scale to be weighed. It could almost seem to someone who didn't know any better, that this child had been severely abused in his young life. The doctor could tell that something was amiss, and recommended him for behavioral therepy. When the team of therepists began coming to their house once a week, they started with just small games and tests that would help him to work with what they called a 'neurological disorder'. After spending a few weeks with him, they realized something else must be wrong. He doesn't want anything in his routine changed. The task of trying to change from one game to the next was just that, a task. He would throw huge fits, running into the next room, hiding or throwing himself onto the floor. I am sure some would say this is just part of being a child, but there was more that isn't easily explained. He does not understand what 'why' means at all, and barely understands what you mean when you say "who is [someone]". When he doesn't understand what you say, or doesn't know how to respond to a question, he puts his hands over his face or stares blankly right past your shoulder.
The team of people working with him decided that he should be tested for autism. They explained to my sister that even if he had this disorder, that it was a mild, or 'high functioning' case. She is searching for answers in books, online, where ever she can find them, but the biggest question will not be answered until the second of October, when his autism test is scheduled. She is worried about how he will react to some of the things they might do or say. He is upset very easily by certain things, and it must tear her heart out sometimes the way he screams. Don't get me wrong, his life doesn't completely consist of fits and unexplainable stares. He is full of energy and loves playing outside. He is a loving boy, and I pray that he gets the help he needs as soon as he can. We will know soon what the test will reveal, but not soon enough for my sister.
As she is reading an learning more about this disorder, she is coming across pages and documents of other families dealing with the same thing. In doing this, she is reading about many families with more than one child with the disorder. I guess she read somewhere that your chances of having a second child with autism are increased by 50%. Well, in reading this, she could not help but begin to wonder about her second boy. He is 2 years old, and is as close to his mommy as I have ever seen any child. He is so loving to her, coming up and hugging her leg every chance he gets. Everytime she sits on the floor, there he is, next to her, or on her lap. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have called or came over to her house and he had fallen asleep on her.
I only wish my daughter would do that, she's too damn independent!
But with all this love comes some negative points, which are part of her worry. He clings on her so much that there is almost no way she could have a babysitter, even if it's grandma or aunt 'me'. Ever since he was an infant, he didn't want anyone else but mom or dad, and now it's more on the mom side of things. I know children cling, but there's more. She is unable to tell him no, or get him to do anything that he does not want to do without this boy falling down, trying to scream but not having it come out until his lips turn blue, and then when it does come out, it's horrific. He likes to eat crayons, so she has to hide them, and he plays only with stick like objects, such as drumsticks and lincoln logs. He doesn't play with these objects normally either. He is content to go around all day and poke at things with his 'sticks'. I would have to say that the most obvious sign that there is a problem, is that he does not speak. He sometimes says mom, and he used to say dad, but my sister doesn't believe that he uses the words the way he should. I will say, though, every now and then we'll say something, and you just catch him repeating the word, but just for that instant. He doesn't do it very often, and seems to have no idea that he even does it. It's really strange. But these are all signs that have my sister worried, and they are all signs that she has read about under autism.
She has tried to bring this up to the team of people that come out weekly to work with her first son, but they seem to want her to wait. They agree with her that some of these signs are slightly a cause for worry, but I don't think they want to let on. They want to give her the ability to absorb the problems of the first child. I think they don't want to overwhelm her too soon. But my sister doesn't want to wait for him to get treatment. In everything that she has read, it explains that the sooner the treatment is started, the better for the child. She is extremely impatient, as I would be if faced with this situation. I try to console her as much as I can, but I dont' want to seem as if I am pittying her. I know she wouldn't want that.
I know my sister is a strong woman, but dealing with two boys that may be autistic, and a husband that now believes he is autistic too (high functioning, of course), I can only imagine how hard that must be. I pray for her, and I ask that if you are reading right now you would do the same. I will post the results of the tests that are going to be performed as soon as I know them.
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Idiocy at it's best......
I lost our checkbook. Figured it was around the house and looked here and there, but it wasn't bill time so I didn't worry too much. I get online today to check out my account, and I notice a 305 dollar check that was written. Since it just cleared today, I couldn't see a copy of the actual check (our bank copies them and posts them online), and so I freaked out cause I figured someone was forging our checks. So I get Noah all freaked out and ready to leave work, and he called the bank and told them that we were on our way. And the *BaM*, it hits me, we wrote that check to pay off a Lowes credit card. DUH! I can't believe I forgot that. Okay..........so I guess now I'm on a search to find our checkbook. I even got MIkayla up from her nap and ready to go. She's pissed at me now. I guess I deserve it. Ha!
I lost our checkbook. Figured it was around the house and looked here and there, but it wasn't bill time so I didn't worry too much. I get online today to check out my account, and I notice a 305 dollar check that was written. Since it just cleared today, I couldn't see a copy of the actual check (our bank copies them and posts them online), and so I freaked out cause I figured someone was forging our checks. So I get Noah all freaked out and ready to leave work, and he called the bank and told them that we were on our way. And the *BaM*, it hits me, we wrote that check to pay off a Lowes credit card. DUH! I can't believe I forgot that. Okay..........so I guess now I'm on a search to find our checkbook. I even got MIkayla up from her nap and ready to go. She's pissed at me now. I guess I deserve it. Ha!
I've been reading some more in my philosophy book, and I got into this chapter on the mind/body problem. It's really deep. There's a bunch of different views, just like most all of philosophy, and tryin to fully understand each one is a mind breaker.
Decartes believes in 'dualism', which is bascially the mind and the body being two separate parts.....the body being a of spatial form (taking up space), and the mind is not spatial (not physical). But for the mental and non physical to get it's way into the physical breaks two laws of science. I'm having a hard time trying to find out what those two laws are, as I'm not a science major. So, basically, Descartes came up with the idea that the brain uses the pineal gland to do such a thing, bring the non-physical mind into the physical world.
Then you have your group that believes that the mind and body are both physical. These people are materialists. Thomas Hobbs was a materialist, and in one of his readings compares us to engines that move themselves by springs and wheels, as does a watch. He believes that we are nothing more then chemical and physical processes. This view is also known as reductionism, because it seems to reduce the workings in our mind to just a bunch of nerves and chemicals telling everything else what to do. Now the main problem with this one, is that it has to break down completely the unique view we have of our own conciousness. Philosopher J.J.C.Smart tried to say that even the concious can be broken down into the physical. The act of seeing or feeling something is in the physical world. He say's "An image or a sense datum can be green in a derivative sense, but this need not cause any worry, because, on the view I am defending, images and sense data are not constituents of the world, though the processes of having an image or a sense datum are actual processes in the world."
Another man, Norman Malcom didn't agree with his Smart's view that "there is a contingent identity between mental phenomena and brain phenomena". He disputed this because the 'surroundings' could not always be the same. I'm still tryin to understand that one, although I have an idea of what it means.
Next, you have your behaviorists. These people believe that everything in human nature is restricted to the study of what can be observed rather than to states of conciousness. This one I don't like altogether, because it says that all internal thought is reflected in external behavior. It basically totally erradicates the ability for internal, private thought. It doesn't make sense, because you can feel something without anyone else knowing about it. This belief inspired a joke:
Two behaviorist philosophers have just finished making love. so the first behaviorist says the second, "It was great for you. How was it for me?"
Now the latest belief comes from our recent technological advances in computers. It is called functionalism. Functionalism says that we should just be thought of as really complicated computers. Just as a computer works from imputs and outputs, they say we do also. Our inputs are feelings, taste, touch, etc; and our outputs are things such as running, walking, etc. They say mental concepts or 'beliefs' are just connections that the body makes between certain inputs and outputs. An easy way of looking at that is to think of this. A man sees a dog and instantly runs away. The reason he runs is his belief that 'dogs bite'. This is because of the sensory input that links seeing a dog, with running away. But this totally discounts our own personal conciousness.
I would say that I am leaning more on the side of dualism. The others really seem to get rid of God. God has a big part in our conciousness I believe. Without concious thought, how would we know God at all. These other views seem athiest to me. Maybe in evolution we gained our conciousness to give us an advantage.
Decartes believes in 'dualism', which is bascially the mind and the body being two separate parts.....the body being a of spatial form (taking up space), and the mind is not spatial (not physical). But for the mental and non physical to get it's way into the physical breaks two laws of science. I'm having a hard time trying to find out what those two laws are, as I'm not a science major. So, basically, Descartes came up with the idea that the brain uses the pineal gland to do such a thing, bring the non-physical mind into the physical world.
Then you have your group that believes that the mind and body are both physical. These people are materialists. Thomas Hobbs was a materialist, and in one of his readings compares us to engines that move themselves by springs and wheels, as does a watch. He believes that we are nothing more then chemical and physical processes. This view is also known as reductionism, because it seems to reduce the workings in our mind to just a bunch of nerves and chemicals telling everything else what to do. Now the main problem with this one, is that it has to break down completely the unique view we have of our own conciousness. Philosopher J.J.C.Smart tried to say that even the concious can be broken down into the physical. The act of seeing or feeling something is in the physical world. He say's "An image or a sense datum can be green in a derivative sense, but this need not cause any worry, because, on the view I am defending, images and sense data are not constituents of the world, though the processes of having an image or a sense datum are actual processes in the world."
Another man, Norman Malcom didn't agree with his Smart's view that "there is a contingent identity between mental phenomena and brain phenomena". He disputed this because the 'surroundings' could not always be the same. I'm still tryin to understand that one, although I have an idea of what it means.
Next, you have your behaviorists. These people believe that everything in human nature is restricted to the study of what can be observed rather than to states of conciousness. This one I don't like altogether, because it says that all internal thought is reflected in external behavior. It basically totally erradicates the ability for internal, private thought. It doesn't make sense, because you can feel something without anyone else knowing about it. This belief inspired a joke:
Two behaviorist philosophers have just finished making love. so the first behaviorist says the second, "It was great for you. How was it for me?"
Now the latest belief comes from our recent technological advances in computers. It is called functionalism. Functionalism says that we should just be thought of as really complicated computers. Just as a computer works from imputs and outputs, they say we do also. Our inputs are feelings, taste, touch, etc; and our outputs are things such as running, walking, etc. They say mental concepts or 'beliefs' are just connections that the body makes between certain inputs and outputs. An easy way of looking at that is to think of this. A man sees a dog and instantly runs away. The reason he runs is his belief that 'dogs bite'. This is because of the sensory input that links seeing a dog, with running away. But this totally discounts our own personal conciousness.
I would say that I am leaning more on the side of dualism. The others really seem to get rid of God. God has a big part in our conciousness I believe. Without concious thought, how would we know God at all. These other views seem athiest to me. Maybe in evolution we gained our conciousness to give us an advantage.
Monday, September 16, 2002
Noah, my husband, has saved me from myself many times. He's been so patient with me. I was soo horrible to him when we first got together. I know drugs arn't an excuse, but I really didn't give a shit about myself enough to not do the things that I did to him. Just to give you an idea. When I came back from Texas, where I left my ex, I was living at my mom's house buming around and tryin to meet people off the internet. I met quite a few, had my fun, yadda yadda, and met Noah 4 months later. We were really great for each other for about 3 months...he kept me clean, I gave him excitement (good, clean fun). Well, I guess you could say that I got sick of the clean part, and I got ahold of the same old bullshit. Noah is so trusting of me that he just let me do whatever, and I did. I was talking to my ex. again, and he was tryin to talk me into coming back down to Texas for a couple of weeks. I was always one for a thrill and thought, ah, the hell with it, I'll go. So he wired me money and I packed up my stuff. I left Noah a note on the table for him to read when he got home from work, and wasn't plannin on talking to him until I got back. You don't have to tell me, I know how much of a ruthless bitch I was, it gets better. I ended up talking to Noah and I didn't go. He talked me out of it. Mr. Good Common Sense himself saved me from my own bullshit once again.I really love him for that. I probably wouldn't have ended up coming back.
One thing to note, I didn't realize just how much I loved Noah yet. On with the story.....
So I continued with my stupidity. I ended up doing crank behind his back many times, and ended up cheating on him twice. Well, if you want a reason to think I was a total piece of shit, you can have one right about............now. I ended up pregnant and didn't know who the father was. Like they say, folks, it only takes once. I slept with the other guy two times, about 2 weeks apart. Of course I was sleeping with Noah during this time, and I didn't have regular periods from the drugs, so I had no clue who the father was. Well, Noah didn't know about my affair. I ended up telling him about a month after I found out I was pregnant, and in telling him I just said, "I slept with someone else, they might be the father of this child, I'm leaving." Thats what I did, I left. Went and lived with my step-dad. I couldn't bear to feel the guilt of carrying someone else's child and forcing him to take care of us.
Well, the staying apart part didn't last long. We spent weekends together and he was apart of the baby's life even before he knew it was his. We ended up getting an ultrasound and found out that the baby was too young to be the other guys child. I got back with Noah about 2 months after I left him. He was reasured that the baby was his when Mikaylawas born. She had his ears, his hands, and I think she looks alot like him.
Just so you know, I am alot straighter than I used to be, and I have a bad habit of portraying myself as a piece of shit. I'm not saying that I haven't done bad things, because I know I have. I'm just saying that I always give others the bad infomation about myself before the good. so please read more of my stuff (hopefully I type good things every now and then) before you form your opinion of me.
One thing to note, I didn't realize just how much I loved Noah yet. On with the story.....
So I continued with my stupidity. I ended up doing crank behind his back many times, and ended up cheating on him twice. Well, if you want a reason to think I was a total piece of shit, you can have one right about............now. I ended up pregnant and didn't know who the father was. Like they say, folks, it only takes once. I slept with the other guy two times, about 2 weeks apart. Of course I was sleeping with Noah during this time, and I didn't have regular periods from the drugs, so I had no clue who the father was. Well, Noah didn't know about my affair. I ended up telling him about a month after I found out I was pregnant, and in telling him I just said, "I slept with someone else, they might be the father of this child, I'm leaving." Thats what I did, I left. Went and lived with my step-dad. I couldn't bear to feel the guilt of carrying someone else's child and forcing him to take care of us.
Well, the staying apart part didn't last long. We spent weekends together and he was apart of the baby's life even before he knew it was his. We ended up getting an ultrasound and found out that the baby was too young to be the other guys child. I got back with Noah about 2 months after I left him. He was reasured that the baby was his when Mikaylawas born. She had his ears, his hands, and I think she looks alot like him.
Just so you know, I am alot straighter than I used to be, and I have a bad habit of portraying myself as a piece of shit. I'm not saying that I haven't done bad things, because I know I have. I'm just saying that I always give others the bad infomation about myself before the good. so please read more of my stuff (hopefully I type good things every now and then) before you form your opinion of me.
Something I wrote when I was 12. I have to fill up my archive somehow, right?
1992
My parents argue. I guess it’s their form of communicating. All of the arguments are the same, over money. And usually at the same time, when my dad drinks. I normally don’t mind their arguing, sometimes I even don’t listen, just as if it were never there. There was one argument, it was different from the others. My dad was in the chair we put in the corner to make sure our dog doesn’t pee there, drinking as usual. I was sitting on the couch making a puzzle while my mom was in the EZ chair reading the paper. I don’t know how it started cause I wasn’t listening but all the sudden my dad was yelling at my mom to get out. My mother started screaming, “if you want me to out that bad, give me the money to get out!” Tears swelled up in her eyes as my dads cold, hard words pounded against her heart. Soon, my dad cooled down and sat in the chair in the corner. For about five minutes, silence. The only sounds that were heard were the echoes of his voice in our heads. Then he got up and went into his room to get some more money for more booze. He walked out of the room, yelling at my mom, “Why did you take the money, why?” My mom yelled back equally as savage, “Because you already spent enough on your booze!” But my dad wasn’t satisfied with that. He kept yelling, “Why, why did you take that money you thief?” The argument died down just as fast as it begun. We sat in silence for about 30 seconds. My dad walked up to my mom and said in a quiet but deadly ton, “You’re a thief and a liar and that’s the last thing you are ever getting from me.” And he walked out of the room and outside. As he did so, it became very cold. I know it wasn’t the cool night air, but the coldness of my dad’s heart.
---That's my step-dada I was talking about. You have to understand that I didn't even know or meet my real dad until I was 17. I write alot about the experiences in my life, always have. I must say that my life used to be alot more exciting. Not that my life completely sux now or anything. Hell, it's really alot better than it used to be. More structured, and a hell of alot less bullshit.
1992
My parents argue. I guess it’s their form of communicating. All of the arguments are the same, over money. And usually at the same time, when my dad drinks. I normally don’t mind their arguing, sometimes I even don’t listen, just as if it were never there. There was one argument, it was different from the others. My dad was in the chair we put in the corner to make sure our dog doesn’t pee there, drinking as usual. I was sitting on the couch making a puzzle while my mom was in the EZ chair reading the paper. I don’t know how it started cause I wasn’t listening but all the sudden my dad was yelling at my mom to get out. My mother started screaming, “if you want me to out that bad, give me the money to get out!” Tears swelled up in her eyes as my dads cold, hard words pounded against her heart. Soon, my dad cooled down and sat in the chair in the corner. For about five minutes, silence. The only sounds that were heard were the echoes of his voice in our heads. Then he got up and went into his room to get some more money for more booze. He walked out of the room, yelling at my mom, “Why did you take the money, why?” My mom yelled back equally as savage, “Because you already spent enough on your booze!” But my dad wasn’t satisfied with that. He kept yelling, “Why, why did you take that money you thief?” The argument died down just as fast as it begun. We sat in silence for about 30 seconds. My dad walked up to my mom and said in a quiet but deadly ton, “You’re a thief and a liar and that’s the last thing you are ever getting from me.” And he walked out of the room and outside. As he did so, it became very cold. I know it wasn’t the cool night air, but the coldness of my dad’s heart.
---That's my step-dada I was talking about. You have to understand that I didn't even know or meet my real dad until I was 17. I write alot about the experiences in my life, always have. I must say that my life used to be alot more exciting. Not that my life completely sux now or anything. Hell, it's really alot better than it used to be. More structured, and a hell of alot less bullshit.
Well, since I lost some of my stuff, here's something I atleast had saved on my computer for school. It's just a paper.......too bad I don't have all the other messages I typed along with this paper, but oh well. Maybe I'll go through it all again just to refresh my own memory.
Watching this segment has caused me to consider more fully the need that general society seems to have for a structured balance, the need for set ideas and set reasons. And too many questions, or questioning things that may ‘rock the boat’ and change certain foundations for reasoning or belief, alter this set balance, therefore making things uncomfortable or ‘painful’. General society seems to much rather conform to certain beliefs or behaviors than to even contemplate questions that might make them look or feel like a fool, a traitor, or even just because it is easier to believe what another believes than to decipher a reason of their own.
I see Socrates in the roll of the man who is forced from the cave. He stepped out from the conformity, forced by God and his internal need for wisdom, just as the man in the cave whose force was unknown. He began to feel the pain of thorough self and mind evaluation (and probably rejection), and then discovered a reality that was not known to him before (a heightened sense of God and wisdom). Just as the man in the cave had pain in his sight when trying to clearly see the objects whose shadows he once believed to be reality. In his quest for wisdom, he also shares with others his ideas and beliefs, just as the man in the cave did when he was forced back down. But also as Socrates is scorned and called a corrupter, the man in the cave was then looked upon as if he was worse than before, or destroyed in some way.
I believe the man being force back down in the cave and being ridiculed by his peers has a lot to do with the reasons most people today do not ask so many questions, of themselves or others. It even seems to be ‘taboo’ to question certain things. God is God and the sky is blue. And if you can get a scientist to tell you the sky is blue because of the gases in the atmosphere, then hey, you’re better off then the other guy, right? Most don’t even think to question God’s reason for making the sky blue, or why God seemed to connect everything but never told us the equation. Or moreover, who is God? Is God the sky spanning up through outer space and the stars are merely the dust trail? These questions alter reasonable thought, and most definitely alter rational thought. And I bet if I ask these questions to the catholic community, they’ll probably think I’m on PCP. But even more so, could I question the catholic community on the profound presence of God that someone feels when they are on PCP?
Watching this segment has caused me to consider more fully the need that general society seems to have for a structured balance, the need for set ideas and set reasons. And too many questions, or questioning things that may ‘rock the boat’ and change certain foundations for reasoning or belief, alter this set balance, therefore making things uncomfortable or ‘painful’. General society seems to much rather conform to certain beliefs or behaviors than to even contemplate questions that might make them look or feel like a fool, a traitor, or even just because it is easier to believe what another believes than to decipher a reason of their own.
I see Socrates in the roll of the man who is forced from the cave. He stepped out from the conformity, forced by God and his internal need for wisdom, just as the man in the cave whose force was unknown. He began to feel the pain of thorough self and mind evaluation (and probably rejection), and then discovered a reality that was not known to him before (a heightened sense of God and wisdom). Just as the man in the cave had pain in his sight when trying to clearly see the objects whose shadows he once believed to be reality. In his quest for wisdom, he also shares with others his ideas and beliefs, just as the man in the cave did when he was forced back down. But also as Socrates is scorned and called a corrupter, the man in the cave was then looked upon as if he was worse than before, or destroyed in some way.
I believe the man being force back down in the cave and being ridiculed by his peers has a lot to do with the reasons most people today do not ask so many questions, of themselves or others. It even seems to be ‘taboo’ to question certain things. God is God and the sky is blue. And if you can get a scientist to tell you the sky is blue because of the gases in the atmosphere, then hey, you’re better off then the other guy, right? Most don’t even think to question God’s reason for making the sky blue, or why God seemed to connect everything but never told us the equation. Or moreover, who is God? Is God the sky spanning up through outer space and the stars are merely the dust trail? These questions alter reasonable thought, and most definitely alter rational thought. And I bet if I ask these questions to the catholic community, they’ll probably think I’m on PCP. But even more so, could I question the catholic community on the profound presence of God that someone feels when they are on PCP?
I'm just lost today. Don't really have much to do. I could go to the store, but I don't want to drag Miki with around. I really need to get out more and do stuff. This being a stay at home mom is really starting to wear on me. I don't know if I want to have another baby. Then I would HAVE to be a stay at home mom.
Was just checkin sites out on blogger today. Sometimes it's fun just to see who is on that just published their blog. Found this one. Wish I could have ten million dollars. I'm gonna keep an eye on her. If she's got something goin for her, I'm gonna catch a piece! Although I don't think my husband will let me sell my panties for it.
Was just checkin sites out on blogger today. Sometimes it's fun just to see who is on that just published their blog. Found this one. Wish I could have ten million dollars. I'm gonna keep an eye on her. If she's got something goin for her, I'm gonna catch a piece! Although I don't think my husband will let me sell my panties for it.
Saturday, September 14, 2002
Okay.......here I am, drunk again. Finally I get to sit at the computer and be drunk......lol
So here I go, get the full brunt of my drunk self. Here goes nothing. I'm listening to some cool ass music. Of course it's cause I'm chosing what to listen to. It's just too cool that we can decide what we want to hear and download it and listen to it. DSL ROCKS!
Just to give you an idea of what I'm listening to:
System of a Down - Aerials
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
Puddle of Mudd - Drift and Die
P.O.D. - Satellite
Tool - Parabola
Nickelback - Never Again
There ya go.........so listen and get into my groove!
So I'm drinkin. You wouldn't be here listening to me ramble if you didn't expect that! I have such the complicated life. I can't stop but to think about it (all to often). And when I listen to music that just makes me want to thrash around the room, I can't help but realize the anger that I have received from this life. I never asked for some of the shit that I got. And the funny thing was when I was 15, I listened to the same shit, and I bet I was much more angry then. I sat around my step dad's house at age 15, played around with going to school.
If you wonder how at age 15 I could just 'play' with going to school, let me tell you more. I left my mother at age 14, probably. I used to think it was age 13, but after some calculations, I figure it was closer to 14. But either way, it was too fuckin young. So I moved in with my stepdad, the only one I have ever known as a dad for the first 17years of my life (love him for it), and a lovable drunk. He drank and made the drink so much more apart of his life that no one could help him.
But with him being a drunk, came the selfish 'drunk-ness'. I love him with all my heart, but he has been so caught in drunk illness, that there is no way to help him, but love him. But, as I was saying, he was drunk all the time. And at the age of 14 and 15, he was my easy way out.
I mean seriously.......how many places could I drink, smoke, and smoke weed without worry! I never did it in front of him, and I never bluntly admitted what i ever did, in front of him. He drank, alot. It was easy......too easy. I became every sense of party I could ever think, dream, or want to become. All I had to do was stay in school (not miss too much, but that was 2-3 days a week), make him dinner every night, and not make too much of a disturbance.
Therefore not much for love. So I became a slut, and chancer, and changer, an anything that would give me some kind of attention/love/need.
And thats when I realized this song:
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
I felt that about everyone! I wanted everyone, anyone, to love me, and they just didn't.So thats when I began to feel that everybody hated me.
You won't guess what I did next.
I medicated. I fun medicated. I smoke soo much pot. Then I snorted soo much crank. Then I smoked it. I had soo much fun, I even began to shoot crank. I streamlined it, I free-banged it, I injected it into my arms, legs, wherever it felt good. No one cared. I was havin fun, livin my little life. My little, meaningless, insignificant 16 year old (the time I shot up), little fucked up, pathetic life.
I tried to kill myself by doing that (thats basically what shootin anything is) for 3 months. Finally, I guess someone must have asked about me, cause no one knew where I was at. So then the word got around that I had been doing alot of drugs. ALOT OF DRUGS! Bad Bad into drugs. It got around, and it had to be beaten into peoples mind that I would die from this. This was bad. Really really bad. No one would have guessed. I got put into treatment. I was there for 8 months. I guess I wouldn't do what they wanted me to. LOL
Most of the time I didn't mind, I liked having people care about me. People that really cared about what I did, where I was, and where my life was going.
And then I got out.
Same old, same old.
In treatment, they taught me that everything was bad, no weed, no alcohol, no drugs at all, and no men. But within a month I was with a guy that was 4 years older and would feed me alcohol. I say that I had to be drunk to be with him. Thats because I was only with him to be drunk. He was really egotistical and I hated him, but he bought my booze.
But when you realize that last 8 months of your life were worthless, and you are back where you started, whats the fuckin point?!
I had a myriad of bad relationships and one good job that kept me in tact. Well, I had a good car, a good crank habit within my good job, and a nice body that got me what I wanted. That lasted until I lost the first two. I lost my car (wrecked by the sober guy-another story), I lost my good job (by doing all the crank), and I was left with only being a piece of shit with a nice body.
So I got real bad again. I said fuck it, again. I wanted to play, but I never wanted to lose.
System of a Down - Aerials
I began to believe that was my life. This is what I'm meant for. You have to figure this was the second time in my life where I was somewhere I didn't want to be. I had to discover some kind of reason why I was back there. This MUST be what I was meant for. I drugged my life soo much, I never talked to anyone, I was shooting up again. But I held on to one person, the one I clung to when I first lost my car. I clung to Eric. He helped me through alot of things. But he hurt me through alot of things too. He saved me from death, that much I will say.
We moved to escape hard drugs (except we continued smoked alot of weed). First we moved to Indiana for 9 months, then we moved to west Texas for 4 months. I can't go into detail about that right now. That would take forever. But the point is, that in that time I discovered myself. And I discovered I was strong enough not to have to deal with alot of bullshit.
That's why I left him after 4 months in Texas and came home. By that time I was 19, and I decided that living was gonna be either for ME or SOMEONE ELSE. I chose me.
So I met my noah, now my husband, just 4 months after I came home from Texas. 10 months later I was pregnant. Strange how life works out. Now I'm 22, married, with a little girl who's just under a year old. Crazy.........so there's my life!
So here I go, get the full brunt of my drunk self. Here goes nothing. I'm listening to some cool ass music. Of course it's cause I'm chosing what to listen to. It's just too cool that we can decide what we want to hear and download it and listen to it. DSL ROCKS!
Just to give you an idea of what I'm listening to:
System of a Down - Aerials
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
Puddle of Mudd - Drift and Die
P.O.D. - Satellite
Tool - Parabola
Nickelback - Never Again
There ya go.........so listen and get into my groove!
So I'm drinkin. You wouldn't be here listening to me ramble if you didn't expect that! I have such the complicated life. I can't stop but to think about it (all to often). And when I listen to music that just makes me want to thrash around the room, I can't help but realize the anger that I have received from this life. I never asked for some of the shit that I got. And the funny thing was when I was 15, I listened to the same shit, and I bet I was much more angry then. I sat around my step dad's house at age 15, played around with going to school.
If you wonder how at age 15 I could just 'play' with going to school, let me tell you more. I left my mother at age 14, probably. I used to think it was age 13, but after some calculations, I figure it was closer to 14. But either way, it was too fuckin young. So I moved in with my stepdad, the only one I have ever known as a dad for the first 17years of my life (love him for it), and a lovable drunk. He drank and made the drink so much more apart of his life that no one could help him.
But with him being a drunk, came the selfish 'drunk-ness'. I love him with all my heart, but he has been so caught in drunk illness, that there is no way to help him, but love him. But, as I was saying, he was drunk all the time. And at the age of 14 and 15, he was my easy way out.
I mean seriously.......how many places could I drink, smoke, and smoke weed without worry! I never did it in front of him, and I never bluntly admitted what i ever did, in front of him. He drank, alot. It was easy......too easy. I became every sense of party I could ever think, dream, or want to become. All I had to do was stay in school (not miss too much, but that was 2-3 days a week), make him dinner every night, and not make too much of a disturbance.
Therefore not much for love. So I became a slut, and chancer, and changer, an anything that would give me some kind of attention/love/need.
And thats when I realized this song:
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
I felt that about everyone! I wanted everyone, anyone, to love me, and they just didn't.So thats when I began to feel that everybody hated me.
You won't guess what I did next.
I medicated. I fun medicated. I smoke soo much pot. Then I snorted soo much crank. Then I smoked it. I had soo much fun, I even began to shoot crank. I streamlined it, I free-banged it, I injected it into my arms, legs, wherever it felt good. No one cared. I was havin fun, livin my little life. My little, meaningless, insignificant 16 year old (the time I shot up), little fucked up, pathetic life.
I tried to kill myself by doing that (thats basically what shootin anything is) for 3 months. Finally, I guess someone must have asked about me, cause no one knew where I was at. So then the word got around that I had been doing alot of drugs. ALOT OF DRUGS! Bad Bad into drugs. It got around, and it had to be beaten into peoples mind that I would die from this. This was bad. Really really bad. No one would have guessed. I got put into treatment. I was there for 8 months. I guess I wouldn't do what they wanted me to. LOL
Most of the time I didn't mind, I liked having people care about me. People that really cared about what I did, where I was, and where my life was going.
And then I got out.
Same old, same old.
In treatment, they taught me that everything was bad, no weed, no alcohol, no drugs at all, and no men. But within a month I was with a guy that was 4 years older and would feed me alcohol. I say that I had to be drunk to be with him. Thats because I was only with him to be drunk. He was really egotistical and I hated him, but he bought my booze.
But when you realize that last 8 months of your life were worthless, and you are back where you started, whats the fuckin point?!
I had a myriad of bad relationships and one good job that kept me in tact. Well, I had a good car, a good crank habit within my good job, and a nice body that got me what I wanted. That lasted until I lost the first two. I lost my car (wrecked by the sober guy-another story), I lost my good job (by doing all the crank), and I was left with only being a piece of shit with a nice body.
So I got real bad again. I said fuck it, again. I wanted to play, but I never wanted to lose.
System of a Down - Aerials
I began to believe that was my life. This is what I'm meant for. You have to figure this was the second time in my life where I was somewhere I didn't want to be. I had to discover some kind of reason why I was back there. This MUST be what I was meant for. I drugged my life soo much, I never talked to anyone, I was shooting up again. But I held on to one person, the one I clung to when I first lost my car. I clung to Eric. He helped me through alot of things. But he hurt me through alot of things too. He saved me from death, that much I will say.
We moved to escape hard drugs (except we continued smoked alot of weed). First we moved to Indiana for 9 months, then we moved to west Texas for 4 months. I can't go into detail about that right now. That would take forever. But the point is, that in that time I discovered myself. And I discovered I was strong enough not to have to deal with alot of bullshit.
That's why I left him after 4 months in Texas and came home. By that time I was 19, and I decided that living was gonna be either for ME or SOMEONE ELSE. I chose me.
So I met my noah, now my husband, just 4 months after I came home from Texas. 10 months later I was pregnant. Strange how life works out. Now I'm 22, married, with a little girl who's just under a year old. Crazy.........so there's my life!
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Okay, when you think things couldn't get more confusing. I don't understand my husband. I guess he doesn't understand me either, so that must make us even. Oh well. I'm still confused. He's been tellin me for some time that he doesn't want to have anymore children right now. And so I have convinced myself that it wouldn't be a good idea for many reasons, blah blah blah. Well, then last night he comes out and says "i've been thinkin about it, and i don't think it sounds like a bad idea". Talk about fuckin with a woman's head. Just as soon as I convince myself of why we shouldn't have children, he says, "okay, lets have more kids". GRRR!
Tuesday, September 03, 2002
Well, I dropped out of school. Figured out we couldn't afford to do it without a loan, and we have to wait til next semester to get a loan. YaY! Not really. But to stay on the bright side, check out my Wedding Pictures!
And if that isn't interesting enough....check out my Mikayla!
And if that doesn't satify you, go to HELL!
And if that isn't interesting enough....check out my Mikayla!
And if that doesn't satify you, go to HELL!
I had yet another dream again last night.....this time is was really short and it just consisted of my husband driving and me in the passenger seat. We were going down this long, dark road. I remember seeing the orange lines in the middle of the road considerable well, though. But we kept going up these hills really fast, and then we'd go airborne. We didn't seem to crash when we came back down, but we kept going up and down, high speed, big hill, airborne, do it again. It was really strange. I'm hoping that someday soon I will be able to figure out what the hell these dreams mean.
Monday, September 02, 2002
Another Dream
I'm hanging out with my inlaws.......my husbands mother, his aunt Alice and uncle Larry, and everyone is really happy. My husband was there with me, and I was telling everyone how I had this chance to be on a talk show. Everyone was really supportive and they wanted me to do it.
Well, when I got on the talk show, I was on for being proud of being a huge slut. I was wearing nothing but a robe. I was really nervous, and I don't think I really wanted to be on there, but I felt pressured. I was getting asked questions like "what do you think about a hard cock?" and stuff like that. And I'd answer them the way they wanted me to, saying that "i love hard cocks" and explaining what i would like to do with them. I'm stirring around in the seat on that stage, so nervous I'm not even speaking with my own accent. I don't even look good. You can see my little fat rolls pop out every now and then......I looked like one of those stupid chics on the Jerry Springer Show who are fat and stand up on stage talking about how hot they are.
Well, after the show......I tried to go up to my inlaws for support, cause I knew I was stupid and I was completely humiliated. Well, his Aunt Alice and Uncle Larry are the first ones I see in the driveway, and they won't even talk to me. They look at me like I'm dirt and and just walk past me. I felt hurt, I just looked at them like I'm sorry, but they didn't care. So I went inside the house to see noah's mother, my mother inlaw. In real life she's one of the sweetest people I know, but in this dream, she wasn't so sweet.
She was on the phone when I walked up to her, I think she was making arrangements on how to fix what I just messed up or something. I told her that I'm sorry and Alice and Larry don't want anything to do with me and then I began to tell her how alone I felt, when she put her hand over the phone and said to me, plain and simple, "We're through".
That broke my heart, I just kinda took a few steps back. Noah was next to me, and he just kinda shadowed my as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed this knife and sliced it across my arm, cutting really deep. I stood there and just watched the blood come out from the cut. I didn't figure anything mattered anymore, I felt lost and alone and that no one cared. Noah cared that I had cut my arm, but I think only as much he could because he was hurt from what I had done.
Well, the sceen switched to me younger, but I had still done something very very bad. Like I had did the show, but then I got younger all the sudden and was put in some foster home where the parents had a bunch of other children, and I was the cursed one. I was about 17 I would say, and all the other children treated my like I was a slave. In fact, everyone treated me like I was dirt and I had no chance at life. The parents would always scream at me and not at the other children, and when anything bad happened it was always my fault.
So one day, I decided to try to bust out, cause I normally wasn't allowed to leave the yard. Well, I got out, and I had a bottle of liquor in my hand. The outside was like a street market, where there were lots of different stands selling all sorts of different things.
I knew I couldn't just chug on that bottle of liquor, so I had to find another bottle to put the liquor in. I seen this stand that had really cool bottles that had swirled colored glass. I didn't have any money, so i knew I would have to steal one, but I also knew that I wouldn't have much trouble in stealing one.
Well, I didn't get to far, cause the parents of the foster home set out to find me, and they sent this dog out to look for me. I just barely get the colored bottle in my hand, and the dog takes me down and I am forced back into the home. At this point, I've been through so much shit that I don't care that I get in trouble anymore.
So I'm back in the house with the other kids. I get around the older boys when the parents arn't around, and I say "hey, look at this" I show them this joint roller that I got while on the outside, and I think I had some weed too. I kept it hidden in my bra, and the other boys were like "ooooo", but then the parents busted in. I guess they had a sixth sense that something bad was happening, but I got in trouble again. I don't think they found any evidence, but I was still in trouble.
--Then noah woke me up cause it was 10:30 and mikayla was screaming.
I'm hanging out with my inlaws.......my husbands mother, his aunt Alice and uncle Larry, and everyone is really happy. My husband was there with me, and I was telling everyone how I had this chance to be on a talk show. Everyone was really supportive and they wanted me to do it.
Well, when I got on the talk show, I was on for being proud of being a huge slut. I was wearing nothing but a robe. I was really nervous, and I don't think I really wanted to be on there, but I felt pressured. I was getting asked questions like "what do you think about a hard cock?" and stuff like that. And I'd answer them the way they wanted me to, saying that "i love hard cocks" and explaining what i would like to do with them. I'm stirring around in the seat on that stage, so nervous I'm not even speaking with my own accent. I don't even look good. You can see my little fat rolls pop out every now and then......I looked like one of those stupid chics on the Jerry Springer Show who are fat and stand up on stage talking about how hot they are.
Well, after the show......I tried to go up to my inlaws for support, cause I knew I was stupid and I was completely humiliated. Well, his Aunt Alice and Uncle Larry are the first ones I see in the driveway, and they won't even talk to me. They look at me like I'm dirt and and just walk past me. I felt hurt, I just looked at them like I'm sorry, but they didn't care. So I went inside the house to see noah's mother, my mother inlaw. In real life she's one of the sweetest people I know, but in this dream, she wasn't so sweet.
She was on the phone when I walked up to her, I think she was making arrangements on how to fix what I just messed up or something. I told her that I'm sorry and Alice and Larry don't want anything to do with me and then I began to tell her how alone I felt, when she put her hand over the phone and said to me, plain and simple, "We're through".
That broke my heart, I just kinda took a few steps back. Noah was next to me, and he just kinda shadowed my as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed this knife and sliced it across my arm, cutting really deep. I stood there and just watched the blood come out from the cut. I didn't figure anything mattered anymore, I felt lost and alone and that no one cared. Noah cared that I had cut my arm, but I think only as much he could because he was hurt from what I had done.
Well, the sceen switched to me younger, but I had still done something very very bad. Like I had did the show, but then I got younger all the sudden and was put in some foster home where the parents had a bunch of other children, and I was the cursed one. I was about 17 I would say, and all the other children treated my like I was a slave. In fact, everyone treated me like I was dirt and I had no chance at life. The parents would always scream at me and not at the other children, and when anything bad happened it was always my fault.
So one day, I decided to try to bust out, cause I normally wasn't allowed to leave the yard. Well, I got out, and I had a bottle of liquor in my hand. The outside was like a street market, where there were lots of different stands selling all sorts of different things.
I knew I couldn't just chug on that bottle of liquor, so I had to find another bottle to put the liquor in. I seen this stand that had really cool bottles that had swirled colored glass. I didn't have any money, so i knew I would have to steal one, but I also knew that I wouldn't have much trouble in stealing one.
Well, I didn't get to far, cause the parents of the foster home set out to find me, and they sent this dog out to look for me. I just barely get the colored bottle in my hand, and the dog takes me down and I am forced back into the home. At this point, I've been through so much shit that I don't care that I get in trouble anymore.
So I'm back in the house with the other kids. I get around the older boys when the parents arn't around, and I say "hey, look at this" I show them this joint roller that I got while on the outside, and I think I had some weed too. I kept it hidden in my bra, and the other boys were like "ooooo", but then the parents busted in. I guess they had a sixth sense that something bad was happening, but I got in trouble again. I don't think they found any evidence, but I was still in trouble.
--Then noah woke me up cause it was 10:30 and mikayla was screaming.
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