So it's July, and it's been a long ass time since I posted here. I think I'm being rather consistent...haha

So anyways, with the last post about homeschooling, it really has gone great, but it's probably not going to seem so great next to what I'm about to say.

I'm lonely, I'm scared, and I hate myself so much that I can't seem to stop thinking of different ways to kill myself. Not saying I'm ever going to "go through with it" cause I'm sure I won't, but just the thought of doing so seems to have become a sick sorta relief.

The worst part is that I seem to be in some sort of destructive mindset...I continue to do shit that simply makes me hate myself MORE. And in those moments of destruction, I tend to be more happy.

Yes, it's twisted. I'm really worried about it becoming the "new norm". If I let this continue, I worry that my self-mutilating fantasies will turn into reality.

I know that no one reads this. I guess the really messed up part is this is the forum I'm using to ask for help. I suppose it's all just part of my self-hatred.

I wish I had friends I felt like I could talk to. I seriously begin to wonder if I don't have such close friends because I feel as if I haven't been a very good friend myself, therefore I am not allowed friend good enough to give a damn.