Didn't work out for two weeks. Day zero. I'm not calling myself a failure yet. The last week and a half has been great, and I don't want to lose it.
Yeah.
I know.
It's up to me to prove it to myself. I felt like I was proving something.
It didn't take long to forget all I 'thought' I was learning. Bites me in the ass everytime. Then I think there's no reason to fear the thing that got me here. And I do it again cause I love it.
I fucked up. Like I said...day zero. I'm not proud of it.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
One week three days in. I won't say it's been easy, but it hasn't been as hard as I thought. I guess the real struggles haven't hit me yet. Don't get me wrong, I've had issues. I've thought about blogging them, maybe I will later.
It's weird how I blog things in my head. If only I had a keyboard attached to my brain and hooked up to here, this thing would be drowning in posts.
Hubby's been kind of pissy lately. He won't admit it's because he wants to get high, but I won't let him. I'm afraid that if I let him, then I will use it as an excuse to get drunk. I keep telling myself that I won't let his moods change what I need to do in my life. So far so good, hope it keeps working.
I have a lot of people in my life that aren't going to understand. Mostly all the friends that I drank with. I don't know if I should say anything or just avoid them. This whole thing is so weird and scary. Truth is, though, I never really hung out with any of them sober all that much. So even if I tell them, it's not like I will see them that often.
One of my sisters really isn't gonna get it. She's one of those "hard asses" that believes you should be a good woman and take care of your man. I quit my job at the liquor store to do this, so I'm sure she's gonna give me shit about that as soon as she finds out. I just knew that if I worked there, I wouldn't be able to quit. It's not like I don't need the money, but hell, we're not going bankrupt, plus the money we're gonna save on not buying cases of beer and bottles 3-4 nights a week. Along with the mega amounts of cigarettes I'd smoke when I was drinking.
Hell, I don't know. I'll figure it out I guess. Trying to keep my chin up, reminding myself often that I've been sober for the longest time in about 6 years (quit for a month when I started taking anti-depressants), and then before that it was when I was pregnant with my daughter about 9 years ago.
It's weird how I blog things in my head. If only I had a keyboard attached to my brain and hooked up to here, this thing would be drowning in posts.
Hubby's been kind of pissy lately. He won't admit it's because he wants to get high, but I won't let him. I'm afraid that if I let him, then I will use it as an excuse to get drunk. I keep telling myself that I won't let his moods change what I need to do in my life. So far so good, hope it keeps working.
I have a lot of people in my life that aren't going to understand. Mostly all the friends that I drank with. I don't know if I should say anything or just avoid them. This whole thing is so weird and scary. Truth is, though, I never really hung out with any of them sober all that much. So even if I tell them, it's not like I will see them that often.
One of my sisters really isn't gonna get it. She's one of those "hard asses" that believes you should be a good woman and take care of your man. I quit my job at the liquor store to do this, so I'm sure she's gonna give me shit about that as soon as she finds out. I just knew that if I worked there, I wouldn't be able to quit. It's not like I don't need the money, but hell, we're not going bankrupt, plus the money we're gonna save on not buying cases of beer and bottles 3-4 nights a week. Along with the mega amounts of cigarettes I'd smoke when I was drinking.
Hell, I don't know. I'll figure it out I guess. Trying to keep my chin up, reminding myself often that I've been sober for the longest time in about 6 years (quit for a month when I started taking anti-depressants), and then before that it was when I was pregnant with my daughter about 9 years ago.
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