So I just got done with an online AA meeting. I whined and blabbered about how lost I am and I just keep screaming in my head "how much do you really want this?!" and got a wonderful response from someone saying "well obviously not enough". Thanks for that mr anonymous asshole.

There's another online meeting in 15mins, not sure if I even want to bother with it. My dumb ass took on some more hours at the liquor store so that's sure to help my sobriety. Said she was gonna give me atleast one day/night a week through October. If I tell anyone in AA all I'm gonna get is a "quit, don't do it". Well duh, but I need the money now and this job is already established, I don't have to fill out an app and wait and interview and blah blah. We need the money now trying to take care of 2 fucking families and it's not going to do shit for my sobriety, so whatever.

I'm damn lost and don't know what to do. Drank last night, told Cody I'd help him look for jobs online today but slept until 3 so that didn't happen. Kayla got her job, so yay for her but who knows when she starts plus she said their vehicle has been running weird so if it breaks, they've got no money to fix it. I can't very well give them anymore, we've done enough and it's been hard enough having them stay here.

I just feel like a piece of shit stuck between a rock and a hard place. Cody is pissed, I'm not sure if it's because I didn't help him today or that Kayla got a job and he didn't or both or something else, but I'm sooo fucking tired of his whiny ass attitude. Hey dude, I didn't get you to get a DUI so you could lose your license and then caught again driving without a license creating over $700 in fines for you to pay back before you can get a license again, and I sure as hell ain't gonna pay it.

I dunno. Whatever. Fuck it.