I got beer tonight. Haven't slept since 1am yesterday and it's 1:42am today. He decides to chew into me for drinking WHILE HE'S DRINKING WITH ME. He even tried to accuse my drinking of causing him to have bad hangovers at work because he didn't want to go to bed without me, and made me feel like my disease wasn't the same as his.

Guess who's in bed right now? ME. He's downstairs hanging with Cody and Kayla. Is it still my fault for getting the beer that kept him up? Am I really the only alcoholic here? According to him I am.

I'm so sick and tired of fighting and feeling alone in this fight. I cried...I cried soo much because of the things he was saying to me. Do I want to get better, fuckin hell yeah. If it was that easy the brewing and distilleries would be out of business.

He wants me to pay attention to him. Thats all I do is pay attention to him. What does he want, what does he need, how can I help him. And all I get is I'm a piece of shit because he has work to do tomorrow and he isnt' adult enough to say he's going to bed knowing I'm a full blown alcoholic?

And here I am. In bed alone. It's all my fault he'll feel like shit tomorrow.