I got all the little retarded checks together Kayla signed over to me today, both under $10, plus my little Staples rewards checks both under $5, gave myself 2 hours of payroll from the biz (even though I deserve more then that), and stopped by the liquor store to pick up my one day check for working which was about $33. I deposited all that and also cashed the $100 check my mother in law gave me for Cody working. I took the $100 and handed it to Kayla and said, "ya know, I'm sick of hearing people telline me I'm a control freak, so here ya go". She took it and said nothing.

Cody tried to follow me up the stairs and give me the $100 and said "this isn't you being a control freak, this is you helping out a friend." I told him "give it to your wife then" and walked the rest of the way up the stairs. I'm done. I can't control his life or make it any better, thats his decision. I've had enough people tell me lately that I'm a control freak that I just give up.

I got a bag cooler, filled it with ice and a pint of whiskey and sprite and decided to just be alone in my room. Of course noah wouldn't let me be alone, he sat next to me on the bed screwing with his laptop so I worked on something for a fundraiser we're trying to hold.

When we dropped Miki off at volleyball practice for an hr, he wanted to ride along and talk. There wasn't much talking (this was after I went to the bank an made up my mind and he just wanted to know what was going on in my head). I stopped at the dollar store and got some things that we seem to be going through like they're nothing because no one watches the little one and she way over uses things thinking she's trying to help do chores.

Again, I'm not going to control things....I'll just buy them. We'll see how long it takes for this house to fall down.

I'M DONE.

Noah had the audacity to tell me that maybe I would become more happy not controlling things, and instead of being pissed like I've been all day, I should smile.

Okay motherfucker. Then YOU do it. We'll see where this train ends.

I told him as politely as I could, well, if it ends up being a good thing and I realize it helps me, then I'll smile. But I'm not fucking smiling about it now.



EDIT: And just as an fyi, last night when we ran of beer (I don't buy as much because I know Cody will drink it and I'm just paying for him even more), I had a small bottle of whiskey I stuck in the freezer. When we ran out I went to look for the bottle (Cody won't drink hard liquor, thats why I bought it), and it wasn't where I put it. I knew immediately that Noah moved it. So I went upstairs to ask him where he put it, and he told me where and said that he did it because he wanted to hang out with me and he knew that I'd come asking for it and then he'd tell me he wanted to be with me. Can someone please tell me, for one, why my husband doesn't have the balls to say he wants to hang with just me instead of hiding my whiskey? And for two, why when I come and hang with him all I get is ragged on for trying to defend my actions as a "control freak"?
Not to mention the fact that when I came upstairs to ask Noah about the whiskey, Cody drove drunk to the store to buy more beer, knowing full and well that I was trying to get him jobs to pay off the fines he got for driving drunk.

I'm going to do my own thing, I'm not going to control a god damn thing but what I do for myself, and everyone else can deal with it. They can know what it feels like trying to control someone who doesn't listen or care. You can call it a bender, a roll, whatever...but I'm done and I'm gone. Kayla starts work on Thurs and I already told Noah that you better get up at 7am to get the kids woken up for school. They take care of themselves once they're woken up. The youngest can destroy the house or her dad can give a shit about her. I can't do this anymore.