Negative Thoughts for Today:

*I'm lazy and stupid because I didn't wake up until 9:30am, when I was planning on waking up at 6:45. There must be something seriously wrong with me because I can never seem to get up early.
-Introspection- I didn't get into bed until 12:30am, and then I read a book from my therapist along with taking an Ambien. I didn't actually fall asleep until after 1:30am, so I 8 or less hours of sleep, when I'm used to getting at least 10. I am doing good because I acknowledge this is a problem area for me that I need to work on. This is also the first time I've taken an Ambien in a long time, and it's not surprising it made me extra tired.

*I screwed up again because not getting up early has made me behind on my homework schedule and the other things I need to do. I'm dumb and irresponsible.
-Introspection- Actually, I still have time today to get everything I was planning on doing today done. I didn't actually 'plan' to do housework, so throwing that on myself as a means to use negatively against myself is unfair. I'm doing good, I just need to stay focused and not get caught up in negative thoughts like these that actually cause me to get stuck in a hole. Plus I'm not dumb, pretty darn smart and very intuitive.

*Had to make a phone call, and the women on the other end of the phone thinks I'm stupid. Now I'm being extra critical of myself and I hate myself for it.
-Introspection- Well, I'm not stupid. I just called because I needed to have something sent to me and I didn't know how to get that accomplished, so I had to explain it to her. She just seemed more relaxed and maybe slightly annoyed, but I have no proof she was annoyed with me, I just automatically direct it to myself in a negative way. As far as being extra critical, I am. I'm even being critical right now writing this, thinking "how stupid is it that you are writing these things, there's no point to this, you're just an over-analyzing freak". *sigh* Oh well, no one said this process was gonna be perfect to start.

I notice I am starting to feel kinda crummy. My stomach has been iffy since I woke up (possibly because of the Ambien, possibly cause I'm up earlier then usual lately or had slightly less sleep then I'm used to), my back and neck are kinda stiff. I feel somewhat sad or sour. I need to get started on homework, but I think it's a good idea to try some affirmations. I have a 30 minute affirmation audio that plays some nice music and says nice things.

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Okay, listening to the affirmations and thinking they sound pretty cheesy. Gonna keep listening though, maybe try and let the criticisms go if possible.

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