I got books!

I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now, and while I haven't completely quit drinking, I've damn sure cut down. It was never the drinking that was really the problem, it's cause the world didn't fit with it, and god dammit the world wouldn't change. So I have to. Grrrr.

Anyways, about the whole "books" thing, my therapist gave me a couple of books about shame tonight that I'm pretty interested in reading. We were in a discussion about Miki, and this goofy fighting stuff we've had going on lately. A couple of times it's come down to her saying things in front of other people that I'm sure she KNEW would shame me, and she's learning she can do that to get her way (or at least TRY to get her way).

So the therapist gets these books out about shame, and I thumb through em and they look interesting, so I'll see if I get anything out of em. I dunno, I felt kinda weird taking the books. And then I felt weird for feeling weird. gat! Stupid circles in my head anxiety, I am so sick of it. She had to explain to me that she wouldn't have offered if she was worried and "whats the worst thats gonna happen, I'll have to replace them", which triggered the insta 'save my ass' response of "oh no no no no I'll never not come back and keep your books." With which I felt like a complete dork for saying.

I dunno, whatever, things are getting better with her. I feel more comfortable every time I go. Just hope that soon I will stop chattering and 90mph about a thousand different things. I'm not sure if that's anxiety, or maybe even a defense mechanism to keep from getting too deep about any one thing. ah-ha, thats a new one I just thought about. Seems plausible.

I need to keep writing so I keep thinking of new things. I do that when I write, I just don't write near enough.

Okay, gotta get off here. Deadliest Catch is getting ready to start and they're talking about Phil Harris' death tonight. Soo sad, I miss him. He really reminded me of by biological dad. I bet I cry tonight.