I want to read the article below, but I have to subscribe and it's atleast 6.95 a month!! Outrageous! I guess thats what the world is coming to, you want good news you have to pay to support the people who will get it.
World Watch Daily: Asia
US says Pakistan gave technology to N Korea
American intelligence officials have concluded that Pakistan, a vital ally since last year's terrorist attacks, was a major supplier of critical equipment for North Korea's newly revealed clandestine nuclear weapons program, current and former senior American officials said today...
Monday, October 21, 2002
WorldNetDaily: Shootings to spread to other cities?
This is an interesting arcticle, talking about how the attacks could be from a terrorist group getting a feel of what kind of reaction they could get from doing this sort of thing (the sniper attacks). Basically saying that this could be a 'test run' of sorts to preparing for doing this widespread.
This is an interesting arcticle, talking about how the attacks could be from a terrorist group getting a feel of what kind of reaction they could get from doing this sort of thing (the sniper attacks). Basically saying that this could be a 'test run' of sorts to preparing for doing this widespread.
They're Talking Cancer
Just got a call from JR. They did an ultrasound on his kidney, and they say it looks like cancer. They have to do a biopsy to be sure, and that will either be done today or tomorrow. He said the doctors say they caught it early, so they should be able to contain it. We can only pray.
I guess the pain in his kidney that he's been feeling, he says is in the other kidney. I'm not sure how someone can even say they feel pain exactly in their kidney's at all, much less decifer whether or not it's the left or right one. Must have something to do with him being a boxer when he was younger and getting punched in the kidneys. I guess when you realize they were punched, you know where they are at.
JR drinks alot, has my whole life. He has calmed down a bunch in his older years, but he can still be rowdy if he wants to. Sometimes when he drinks he gets sentimental about his life, his very busy life. He's been a boxer, a bouncer, a father 3 times over (his blood children, plus 5 step-children from a second marriage and 2 step-children from my mother), a husband twice (would have been three but my mother never married him), a widower, a homeless man, a home owner many times over, in prison, hit by a train, stabbed, shot, and admired for his courage. I'm not saying he's been a nice man his whole life, but he's had heart. Noah admires him for his honor, something his only son Jimmy, extremely lacks. Jimmy likes to pride himself in being like his dad, but one thing he doesn't realize is that the main similarity lay in muscle, and I'm not talking about the heart.
JR has told me many times that he would like to write a book about his life, but he's not a writer and would need someone to do it for him. I have told him that I would love to do that, but we have never gotten around to doing it. Maybe now would be a good time to get started. There are lots of things about his life that I do not know, but would love to. How can a man who was beat and stabbed by his dying father live to treat his own children like gold? It would be interesting to take a trip through his mind and his life, and truely begin to understand where his morals and values grew from. I'm sure life in itself helped to build him to the person he is today, a much better person than he was in his youth.
I hope that I have the strength and the persistence to take on such a task of helping a man retrace his life and his emotions. Especially a man who tends to cover up these emotions by drinking. And I sincerely hope that God gives us the time to record his story. I'm sure that most of it will die with him if we don't write it down before God calls him home.
Just got a call from JR. They did an ultrasound on his kidney, and they say it looks like cancer. They have to do a biopsy to be sure, and that will either be done today or tomorrow. He said the doctors say they caught it early, so they should be able to contain it. We can only pray.
I guess the pain in his kidney that he's been feeling, he says is in the other kidney. I'm not sure how someone can even say they feel pain exactly in their kidney's at all, much less decifer whether or not it's the left or right one. Must have something to do with him being a boxer when he was younger and getting punched in the kidneys. I guess when you realize they were punched, you know where they are at.
JR drinks alot, has my whole life. He has calmed down a bunch in his older years, but he can still be rowdy if he wants to. Sometimes when he drinks he gets sentimental about his life, his very busy life. He's been a boxer, a bouncer, a father 3 times over (his blood children, plus 5 step-children from a second marriage and 2 step-children from my mother), a husband twice (would have been three but my mother never married him), a widower, a homeless man, a home owner many times over, in prison, hit by a train, stabbed, shot, and admired for his courage. I'm not saying he's been a nice man his whole life, but he's had heart. Noah admires him for his honor, something his only son Jimmy, extremely lacks. Jimmy likes to pride himself in being like his dad, but one thing he doesn't realize is that the main similarity lay in muscle, and I'm not talking about the heart.
JR has told me many times that he would like to write a book about his life, but he's not a writer and would need someone to do it for him. I have told him that I would love to do that, but we have never gotten around to doing it. Maybe now would be a good time to get started. There are lots of things about his life that I do not know, but would love to. How can a man who was beat and stabbed by his dying father live to treat his own children like gold? It would be interesting to take a trip through his mind and his life, and truely begin to understand where his morals and values grew from. I'm sure life in itself helped to build him to the person he is today, a much better person than he was in his youth.
I hope that I have the strength and the persistence to take on such a task of helping a man retrace his life and his emotions. Especially a man who tends to cover up these emotions by drinking. And I sincerely hope that God gives us the time to record his story. I'm sure that most of it will die with him if we don't write it down before God calls him home.
Catch Up Day
I've been cleaning today to catch up from the busy weekend. I can't begin to explain to you how much I absolutely hate laundry. I made a pact with Noah that if I wash and dry the laundry, he helps me put it away. Now I must say, that worked for about 2 or 3 times, and now we have a pile of clean laundry in our bedroom, and it's growing. It's not the cleaning it, it's the putting it away thats a giant pain in my ass......lol
Doing the dishes today took well over an hour, and they still didn't all fit in the dishwasher. Dirty pans and baby bottles are what makes the process longer, if you were wondering.
I have a baby jail in my livingroom to keep Mikayla safe while I run around cleaning everything (otherwise known as a play yard play pen thingy). She's currently waking up from a nap right now, which means I can get back to making tons of cleaning noise. There's always things to be done, doesn't mean I want to do them though........lol
I've been watching CNN about the sniper thing thats going on right now. I'm really getting sick of main stream media. I think I'm gonna shut off the tv and fish around on the net. If anyone knows of any good news sources that arn't a part of the mainstream media, let me know. It's hard to know who to trust anymore. You can take just about anything and word it just a little differently to get a more emotional reaction. And for a person like me, those emotional reactions make all the difference, and I'm getting a little sick of being played off my emotions by the media.
I've been cleaning today to catch up from the busy weekend. I can't begin to explain to you how much I absolutely hate laundry. I made a pact with Noah that if I wash and dry the laundry, he helps me put it away. Now I must say, that worked for about 2 or 3 times, and now we have a pile of clean laundry in our bedroom, and it's growing. It's not the cleaning it, it's the putting it away thats a giant pain in my ass......lol
Doing the dishes today took well over an hour, and they still didn't all fit in the dishwasher. Dirty pans and baby bottles are what makes the process longer, if you were wondering.
I have a baby jail in my livingroom to keep Mikayla safe while I run around cleaning everything (otherwise known as a play yard play pen thingy). She's currently waking up from a nap right now, which means I can get back to making tons of cleaning noise. There's always things to be done, doesn't mean I want to do them though........lol
I've been watching CNN about the sniper thing thats going on right now. I'm really getting sick of main stream media. I think I'm gonna shut off the tv and fish around on the net. If anyone knows of any good news sources that arn't a part of the mainstream media, let me know. It's hard to know who to trust anymore. You can take just about anything and word it just a little differently to get a more emotional reaction. And for a person like me, those emotional reactions make all the difference, and I'm getting a little sick of being played off my emotions by the media.
Saturday, October 19, 2002
Gee, I'm not melodramatic, am I?
JR's okay. He is gonna be in the hospital for a while, and bed ridden for probably a month, but other than that he's gonna be okay. Recovery is gonna take some time, and it could be months before he can walk normally. He also messed up his shoulder pretty good by dislocating it. I've had problems with my shoulders dislocating, and even had surgery on one, but mine arn't as bad as his. You have to figure that mine started from a stupid fight and not a 20ft fall out of a tree. The bloating that he had was from his bowels shutting down. I guess thats normal with a serious back injury like this, and it should come back to normal in a few days.
The new thing that is worrying us now is that they found a mass on one of his kidney's that they want to biopsy. I spent most of today sick with stress, I didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep last night, and showed up at the hospital at 5am this morning. I finally got some more sleep tonight after fighting nausea and feeling just absolutely unreal. I've never had stress so bad that it made me sick until today. I still feel sick, but I'm getting better. I'm going to try to get some more sleep. I just wanted to give an update.
JR's okay. He is gonna be in the hospital for a while, and bed ridden for probably a month, but other than that he's gonna be okay. Recovery is gonna take some time, and it could be months before he can walk normally. He also messed up his shoulder pretty good by dislocating it. I've had problems with my shoulders dislocating, and even had surgery on one, but mine arn't as bad as his. You have to figure that mine started from a stupid fight and not a 20ft fall out of a tree. The bloating that he had was from his bowels shutting down. I guess thats normal with a serious back injury like this, and it should come back to normal in a few days.
The new thing that is worrying us now is that they found a mass on one of his kidney's that they want to biopsy. I spent most of today sick with stress, I didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep last night, and showed up at the hospital at 5am this morning. I finally got some more sleep tonight after fighting nausea and feeling just absolutely unreal. I've never had stress so bad that it made me sick until today. I still feel sick, but I'm getting better. I'm going to try to get some more sleep. I just wanted to give an update.
Friday, October 18, 2002
I was going to blog about world issues, but something else has come up. I got a call just a few mins ago that my step-dad fell out a tree 20feet off the ground. He's at the hospital right now, he dislocated his shoulder, broke his back, and broke some other things, but I didn't remember what else after they said that he broke his back. I got the call from Lisa, my brother's girlfriend. They are at the hospital with him right now. JR, my step-dad is 62 years old, anything at his age is bad, and I know that he will never been the same. I guess I'm just in shock right now. I'm sitting here wondering what I should do. Noah is waiting until he gets off work in about 45 mins, and then we are going to drop Mikayla off with his dad and head over to the hospital.
I told Lisa that I wanted to come down to the hospital right now, but she said to wait because they were thinking about transferring him to a hospital in Iowa City, about 3 hours away. They can do more for him there. I can only think that if they are wanting to transfer him to Iowa City, that it must be bad. I'm scared, I hope whatever is wrong is not life threatening. I could not imagine losing him. He was the only dad I ever had until I was 17, and even after that, I have been closer to him than anyone else in my family besides my sister, Lana.
He called me earlier today to ask where I wanted to put the fridge we were keeping in his garage, because he wanted to clean it out. It's hard to think that just after I talked to him, this happened. And I don't even really know what happened. When I talked to him on the phone, he told me that he was going to pick Shiela's boyfriend, Brian, up from work and Brian was going to help him clean out his garage.
He told me a few days ago that he had a bunch of branches from trimming trees that he wanted Shiela and Brian to help him load into his truck to haul off. I can only imagine that what happened was that when Brian got there today they decided to trim a few more branches and thats when the accident happened.
I can't help but be mad at Brian right now for letting a 62 year old man climb 20 feet up in a tree, plus I'm sure that both of them were drinking. But I know that JR is so stubborn that if he really wanted to do it, Brian wouldn't have stopped him anyways.
Update
Lisa just called me and told me that they decided to transfer him to another hospital in Des Moines. I'm sure it's because he has no insurance that they won't send him to Iowa City, or better worded, Iowa City won't take him without insurance. She told me that he can move his feet, but his stomach is getting bloated and they don't know why. I don't know exactly what bloated means, I guess it's taking on some form of liquid or something, or maybe swelling, I don't know.
I'm fumbling around the house trying to find my purse. My cigarettes are in my purse, and I can't find it. I hope Noah gets home soon, I want to get to the hospital to find out what is going on. I'm sure Lisa is holding out on me. She sounded scared on the phone. I want to get there so I know what is going on. I want to be there for him. I'm praying, I want to be there and pray for him. I want to be close to him.
I just hate the fact that this is running the same course as it did when Bobby died. I'll have to explain that one later, but basically I had a boyfriend when I was 16, he was 18, he got pneumonia really bad. He was at Broadlawns Hospital (where JR is at now) and they transferred him to Methodist Hospital (where they are going to transfer JR to). Bobby died a week later. This is too similar for me. I feel out of control, and scared. I wish I could find my cigarettes.
I told Lisa that I wanted to come down to the hospital right now, but she said to wait because they were thinking about transferring him to a hospital in Iowa City, about 3 hours away. They can do more for him there. I can only think that if they are wanting to transfer him to Iowa City, that it must be bad. I'm scared, I hope whatever is wrong is not life threatening. I could not imagine losing him. He was the only dad I ever had until I was 17, and even after that, I have been closer to him than anyone else in my family besides my sister, Lana.
He called me earlier today to ask where I wanted to put the fridge we were keeping in his garage, because he wanted to clean it out. It's hard to think that just after I talked to him, this happened. And I don't even really know what happened. When I talked to him on the phone, he told me that he was going to pick Shiela's boyfriend, Brian, up from work and Brian was going to help him clean out his garage.
He told me a few days ago that he had a bunch of branches from trimming trees that he wanted Shiela and Brian to help him load into his truck to haul off. I can only imagine that what happened was that when Brian got there today they decided to trim a few more branches and thats when the accident happened.
I can't help but be mad at Brian right now for letting a 62 year old man climb 20 feet up in a tree, plus I'm sure that both of them were drinking. But I know that JR is so stubborn that if he really wanted to do it, Brian wouldn't have stopped him anyways.
Update
Lisa just called me and told me that they decided to transfer him to another hospital in Des Moines. I'm sure it's because he has no insurance that they won't send him to Iowa City, or better worded, Iowa City won't take him without insurance. She told me that he can move his feet, but his stomach is getting bloated and they don't know why. I don't know exactly what bloated means, I guess it's taking on some form of liquid or something, or maybe swelling, I don't know.
I'm fumbling around the house trying to find my purse. My cigarettes are in my purse, and I can't find it. I hope Noah gets home soon, I want to get to the hospital to find out what is going on. I'm sure Lisa is holding out on me. She sounded scared on the phone. I want to get there so I know what is going on. I want to be there for him. I'm praying, I want to be there and pray for him. I want to be close to him.
I just hate the fact that this is running the same course as it did when Bobby died. I'll have to explain that one later, but basically I had a boyfriend when I was 16, he was 18, he got pneumonia really bad. He was at Broadlawns Hospital (where JR is at now) and they transferred him to Methodist Hospital (where they are going to transfer JR to). Bobby died a week later. This is too similar for me. I feel out of control, and scared. I wish I could find my cigarettes.
Thursday, October 17, 2002
Very Disturbing
...you'll have to highlight it to read it though, the author of the page made it in red on a greyish cloud background. Hurts the eyes.
A Visit to a Slaughterhouse
...you'll have to highlight it to read it though, the author of the page made it in red on a greyish cloud background. Hurts the eyes.
A Visit to a Slaughterhouse
I Don't Understand the Dream World
I had a friggin dream that ended with the Veggie Tales song "Barbara Manatee". What is wrong in my brain???
I was around a bunch of druggies and I had Mikayla sleeping in the backroom. Lisa told me she was pregnant (she can't get pregnant), some drug head was sitting in a chair telling me about how the kids from Norwalk always came back with 'good shit' (good dope), and some chick I didn't even know had a wedding dress that she was showing me. What is up with that dream???
I had a friggin dream that ended with the Veggie Tales song "Barbara Manatee". What is wrong in my brain???
I was around a bunch of druggies and I had Mikayla sleeping in the backroom. Lisa told me she was pregnant (she can't get pregnant), some drug head was sitting in a chair telling me about how the kids from Norwalk always came back with 'good shit' (good dope), and some chick I didn't even know had a wedding dress that she was showing me. What is up with that dream???
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
A Greeting From My Mother
I don't think this link will work for very long, so here is the message:
Lindsey,
[A Picture that Says:]
You're everything I could've hoped for in a daughter! (Plus a few things that never even crossed my mind...)
[Her Message:]
I CARE! I also hug, listen, and own great big bottle of Tequila! LOL (Sorry, just couldn't help myself!) Seriously...I LOVE you with all my heart and soul. (Is that altruistic?) I want nothing but the best for you and your complete happiness. You are made in my image (tee hee) and from my love (ok, i'm in denial here...lest we forget to mention the other 1/2 of your equation! lol) Again, being more real here...You and I are one in the same, and of this, I am extremely proud to have YOU as my daughter.
Now that you are a mother in your own right, you are becoming aware of feelings that mothers hold for their daughters. With that realization, we hold a common bond. As Mikayla grows and the more you share life together, the more this innate sense of love called motherhood will continue to deepen and enhance your bond with her; the more our bond will mature also. You will come to know what I have felt for you all these years, but often haven't been able to make you see.
There is NOTHING in this world...nothing...that can tear those bonds apart! Always remember this.
This has been another of my lame attempts to project my feelings. I just want you to CHEER UP and remember that I will ALWAYS be here!
(And if you can deal with THAT--you can deal with anything!)
Love always,
Your not so perfect Mommy
--- I Love My Mommy :) ---
I don't think this link will work for very long, so here is the message:
Lindsey,
[A Picture that Says:]
You're everything I could've hoped for in a daughter! (Plus a few things that never even crossed my mind...)
[Her Message:]
I CARE! I also hug, listen, and own great big bottle of Tequila! LOL (Sorry, just couldn't help myself!) Seriously...I LOVE you with all my heart and soul. (Is that altruistic?) I want nothing but the best for you and your complete happiness. You are made in my image (tee hee) and from my love (ok, i'm in denial here...lest we forget to mention the other 1/2 of your equation! lol) Again, being more real here...You and I are one in the same, and of this, I am extremely proud to have YOU as my daughter.
Now that you are a mother in your own right, you are becoming aware of feelings that mothers hold for their daughters. With that realization, we hold a common bond. As Mikayla grows and the more you share life together, the more this innate sense of love called motherhood will continue to deepen and enhance your bond with her; the more our bond will mature also. You will come to know what I have felt for you all these years, but often haven't been able to make you see.
There is NOTHING in this world...nothing...that can tear those bonds apart! Always remember this.
This has been another of my lame attempts to project my feelings. I just want you to CHEER UP and remember that I will ALWAYS be here!
(And if you can deal with THAT--you can deal with anything!)
Love always,
Your not so perfect Mommy
--- I Love My Mommy :) ---
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
I got drunk last night, I feel like shit today. Noah gets off at 2pm today cause he was planning on going to the therapist, but that fell through so i guess he's just coming home to come home. Don't know why, I feel like shit and won't be all that exciting. Oh well, that is all the drunk philosophy I have for today, i'm going to rest.
Sunday, October 13, 2002
Feeling A Little Better Now
Today is our three month anniversary, and we decided to celebrate with some cake, champaign, and a night full of sex! We put Mikayla to bed early, and away we went...hehe
I'm feeling alot better. Maybe if I just had hours of sex everynight I would be this happy all the time!! I worked up quite and appetite. Gonna go get something to snack on, and then curl up with Noah and pass out watching a movie! The last half of this Sunday wasn't bad if I do say so myself. Things are beginning to look up! And I pray that the sex Gods bless you with good sex also!!!
Ta Ta For Now!
Today is our three month anniversary, and we decided to celebrate with some cake, champaign, and a night full of sex! We put Mikayla to bed early, and away we went...hehe
I'm feeling alot better. Maybe if I just had hours of sex everynight I would be this happy all the time!! I worked up quite and appetite. Gonna go get something to snack on, and then curl up with Noah and pass out watching a movie! The last half of this Sunday wasn't bad if I do say so myself. Things are beginning to look up! And I pray that the sex Gods bless you with good sex also!!!
Ta Ta For Now!
Big Suprise
I know I'm not good at blogging on the weekends. Usually too much going on to sit down and spill my guts, plus Noah's around to distract me. But here's the scoop. Friday didn't happen. Lisa ended up calling me and saying that she got too drunk the night before and was too hungover to have a birthday party. Yay. Guess I got out of that one, but we hung out with Noah's friends instead. Can't say their much better, actually. The only other girl in the group, named Sara, was little miss sarcasm and there was no talking about anything meaningful with her. So we just sat at the bar, and I drank myself silly do I didn't have to deal with all the stupid comments that everyone was making about everything under the sun. I just want a friend who I can really talk to. I told Sara to call me sometime, I guess I figured that maybe she would be able to open up if she wasn't around all the other guys. The only thing I got from her was the I am a mushy drunk.
I know I'm not good at blogging on the weekends. Usually too much going on to sit down and spill my guts, plus Noah's around to distract me. But here's the scoop. Friday didn't happen. Lisa ended up calling me and saying that she got too drunk the night before and was too hungover to have a birthday party. Yay. Guess I got out of that one, but we hung out with Noah's friends instead. Can't say their much better, actually. The only other girl in the group, named Sara, was little miss sarcasm and there was no talking about anything meaningful with her. So we just sat at the bar, and I drank myself silly do I didn't have to deal with all the stupid comments that everyone was making about everything under the sun. I just want a friend who I can really talk to. I told Sara to call me sometime, I guess I figured that maybe she would be able to open up if she wasn't around all the other guys. The only thing I got from her was the I am a mushy drunk.
Friday, October 11, 2002
More Family Excitement
Tonight is bound to be a buddle of excitement. My step-brother Jimmy is planning on throwing a party for his girlfriend Lisa'a birthday. He's planning on starting out by going to The Funny Bone first, and then go hit the bar scene. Noah has been nominated as the designated driver so everyone can have fun and not worry. I should be more excited about this than I am. I just know that most nights with these guys tend to be more drama than it's worth. I'm just gonna go and celebrate Lisa's birthday as best I can. Maybe even let loose and have a little fun.
I'm kinda pissed cause these Jimmy and Lisa haven't given me anymore money on their debt to me in over a month. And I know I won't see any tonight either, being that all their money is gonna go twards this party. I guess I should put that aside because it's Lisa's birthday, but it's hard when this debt was accumulated out of lies. They lied to me about putting their electricity bill in my name, they lied that they paid it off, and I had to pay for it when I got a call for a collection agency saying that it was gonna go on my credit report if it wasn't paid by a certain date. Since Noah and I would like to get a house someday and don't need a bad mark on either of our credit reports, I had to shell out $400 that we didn't really have. So far we've gotten $120 of that back from them, but it's been almost 5 months since they started paying. And it's like pulling teeth to get the money.
When I went to that therapist, he said to stay away from all the negative people in my life for one week. Fat Chance! The one week I get told to stay away from negative people I get invited to a birthday party by Jimmy and Lisa, I get invited to a grill out by my step-sister Shiela, my mother discovers this blog via my sister's blog, and Noah's family is probably gonna come up our house tomorrow. Noah's family isn't really negative, but his aunt Alice is gonna be with them and she has no problem speaking her mind. So I'm gonna be all nervous and worried about what she thinks of my house. Am I a good housewife? Is it clean enough? Do I decorate just right? Blah blah blah.......
The reason Shiela is negative is because she thinks she fucking queen sheba right now. Read this from my archieve. Shiela even told me one time that if Noah and I don't make it together, it will be my fault. What loving support.
Anyways, I'll try to cheer up tonight, break out and have some fun. I know I need it. I just can't seem to shake this nagging hate that I have for myself right now.
Tonight is bound to be a buddle of excitement. My step-brother Jimmy is planning on throwing a party for his girlfriend Lisa'a birthday. He's planning on starting out by going to The Funny Bone first, and then go hit the bar scene. Noah has been nominated as the designated driver so everyone can have fun and not worry. I should be more excited about this than I am. I just know that most nights with these guys tend to be more drama than it's worth. I'm just gonna go and celebrate Lisa's birthday as best I can. Maybe even let loose and have a little fun.
I'm kinda pissed cause these Jimmy and Lisa haven't given me anymore money on their debt to me in over a month. And I know I won't see any tonight either, being that all their money is gonna go twards this party. I guess I should put that aside because it's Lisa's birthday, but it's hard when this debt was accumulated out of lies. They lied to me about putting their electricity bill in my name, they lied that they paid it off, and I had to pay for it when I got a call for a collection agency saying that it was gonna go on my credit report if it wasn't paid by a certain date. Since Noah and I would like to get a house someday and don't need a bad mark on either of our credit reports, I had to shell out $400 that we didn't really have. So far we've gotten $120 of that back from them, but it's been almost 5 months since they started paying. And it's like pulling teeth to get the money.
When I went to that therapist, he said to stay away from all the negative people in my life for one week. Fat Chance! The one week I get told to stay away from negative people I get invited to a birthday party by Jimmy and Lisa, I get invited to a grill out by my step-sister Shiela, my mother discovers this blog via my sister's blog, and Noah's family is probably gonna come up our house tomorrow. Noah's family isn't really negative, but his aunt Alice is gonna be with them and she has no problem speaking her mind. So I'm gonna be all nervous and worried about what she thinks of my house. Am I a good housewife? Is it clean enough? Do I decorate just right? Blah blah blah.......
The reason Shiela is negative is because she thinks she fucking queen sheba right now. Read this from my archieve. Shiela even told me one time that if Noah and I don't make it together, it will be my fault. What loving support.
Anyways, I'll try to cheer up tonight, break out and have some fun. I know I need it. I just can't seem to shake this nagging hate that I have for myself right now.
Thursday, October 10, 2002
I got a call today from the secretary of the therapist I went to on Tuesday. She told me that this therapist wasn't covered under out insurance, so I guess I won't be going back there. So much for paying someone to listen to me....lol
I don't see myself jumping on the phone and calling around to find someone who is on our insurance, and going in to tell them how stupid I feel all over again, so I guess I'm on my own. No biggie I guess, I'll live. It just felt good having someone on my side telling me that I'm not crazy. Maybe I should get a job like Noah keeps telling me to do. I don't know, I'm too scared of having someone I don't know watching Mikayla. And I won't know if anything bad happens to her cause she's not old enough to tell me.
I'll figure out what I'm going to do eventually. In the mean time, I need to finish up my list of things I need to do around the house. I think I got like 3 things done on the entire list. This damn computer makes me LAZY! And yess, it's all the computers fault, not mine!
I don't see myself jumping on the phone and calling around to find someone who is on our insurance, and going in to tell them how stupid I feel all over again, so I guess I'm on my own. No biggie I guess, I'll live. It just felt good having someone on my side telling me that I'm not crazy. Maybe I should get a job like Noah keeps telling me to do. I don't know, I'm too scared of having someone I don't know watching Mikayla. And I won't know if anything bad happens to her cause she's not old enough to tell me.
I'll figure out what I'm going to do eventually. In the mean time, I need to finish up my list of things I need to do around the house. I think I got like 3 things done on the entire list. This damn computer makes me LAZY! And yess, it's all the computers fault, not mine!
I made a site to put pictures up on. Now you can put a face to the madness you find on this blog. I'm gonna put it up in my template soon.
The Many Faces of Me
The Many Faces of Me
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